


Before

by Mohito



Series: Before and After. [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-09-27 15:10:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10027415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mohito/pseuds/Mohito
Summary: Question: What happened after the bank and before the border?





	1. Clean

**Author's Note:**

> I, like most of you feel cheated by the end of Season 7. Although it was very well written and beautifully acted, I wanted to see more of Mickey and whether he's coming back, who the hell knows?! I saw this website and became (weirdly) obsessed with writing this story out. I figured eh, one page...5 days later and I have what amounts to a small book. I wasn't going to post it, then I figured what the heck. 
> 
> No really, I do have a life.  
> It starts with a bit of mush, but trust me it's only chapter 1.  
> So, here we go....

Mickey pulled into the Motel drive slowly, making sure not to wake Ian and left the care idling. The low music came from the radio, he hit the off button and looked over to make sure Ian didn’t wake up. He lit a cigarette and the window took the smoke. His mind had wandered away as he’d been driving. He listened to the quiet; there was so much noise in prison, the quiet after all the noise was sweet. He turned his head toward Ian his face soft in sleep. 

Ian had been closing his eyes while they had been talking on the drive, rubbing his hands over his hair. Mickey knew he had been trying to stay awake. He had let the conversation trail off and Ian put his seat back half way. Ian’s eye had stayed closed, his body had relaxed but before he had totally gone to sleep, Ian had reached up a hand to his shoulder. He had felt the pressure move over his shoulder, stroking back and forth and smiled. All he did was smile like a fucking idiot he thought, and realized he was smiling, again. 

‘What the fuckever’ he thought to himself snickering.

He reached over to Ian’s hand, wrapped it over his wrist lightly. He slid his thumb over the back of his hand. It didn’t wake Ian. He left his hand there, leaned his head on the seat rest and closed his eyes. Quiet. He was calm, a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time. The day before they had gone to the bank and that had been an eye opener. He was proud of Ian, very proud he had his shit together after that BAD fucking year. 

He pulled at the cigarette opening his eyes, he smiled wide thinking about Ian flying onto the ground from the van, dirt flying up and him tearing off the blindfold. Ian’s face when he sprang up bitching. He was BULLSHIT! Spittin’ nails! He laughed an evil little laugh, or anyone would have thought had they heard it. He slid a glance over at Ian, it lingered there. The memory continued to Ian’s face slowing, stopping and Ian's eyes lit up on him. He let out a slow breath. ‘Love is a motherfucker’ he thought 

“Fuck” he said. It had slipped out without him realizing it. 

Ian shifted and settled back. 

‘Shut the fuck up!’ he told himself.

Memories of Ian skipped around in his head. He stared through the dirty windshield not seeing. He had sometimes thought he was going fucking crazy when was inside, the longer he stayed the nastier he got fucking up anyone, doing anything, taking and drinking anything he could get his hands on. He thought he wouldn’t tell Ian when he got out but he had, some of it anyway. Ian’s life was good, he was good. The more Ian talked about his life the more relief he felt, and worry. The thought crossed like it always did, Ian had to be OK. OK with him though? He was walking away from everything. 

Ian had pushed him away and he knew it had been for him. He knew it then and knew it now- didn’t make it suck any less. He should have just gone, but he had needed to see him. He had needed to see with his own eyes that he was alright before he left, or so he had told himself at the time. Then it came, the fucking rush. Ian’s eyes were hot on his with annoyance flashing in them, want flashing in them. He had told him the plan with hesitation, because he knew what his next statement would be.

“You should come.” 

Ian climbing into the Jeep. 

He shook his head, his thumb pushing against his bottom lip. He saw the cigarette had burned down to the filter and tossed out the open window. He lit another.  
Ian’s hand moved in his and closed over his fingers. Ian’s other arm went up under his head stretching, head turning toward the window his eyes opened.

“We there?” he mumbled.

He pulled his hand away after a light squeeze to rub at his eyes.

“Nah” Mickey said. “I need a real fucking bed” 

“Huh?” 

Ian saw the Motel. 

“Maybe not such a good idea” He said sitting up

“Fuck that man. We’re like… nowhere” 

Mickey saw the worry.

“You get the room, I’ll get the stuff” He said in a low voice. “OK?”

Ian nodded once and got out. Mickey watched him walk to the door of the motel.

He got out throwing the butt away, grabbed their bags and opened them. Grabbed the food and stuffed it in his bag. The alcohol, smokes and jacket, he threw in Ian’s. He heard a rattling sound coming from the bag, he reached in to the bottom and pulled out a plastic pill bottle. It was full. There was another in the bottom. He gave the bottle in his hand a quick read. Good. He stuffed it back to the bottom. He got back in the front and waited. Through the window he saw Ian sign, grab his wallet and hand over money. He watched the guy at the desk; he didn’t seem to be looking at Ian with much interest. He took the money and gave Ian a key. Ian came out and walked to the car. Mickey watched him walk toward him. 

'Damn' he thought 

Ian hopped in and saw Mickey’s face. His grin was set, tongue on the corner of his mouth, his eyes lit up. Ian’s smile came quickly and said, “Down there” pointing. He put the car in drive and drove down to the the last room. Mickey reached down and popped the hood, he disconnected the battery quickly the engine died he let the hood fall with a thud back into place. Ian had grabbed up the bags out of the backseat, they moved together toward the room, Mickey keeping his head down. They got to the door Ian and turned the key and pushed. A big bed stood at the center of the room.

“Fuck yes!” Mickey said as he walked in.

Ian closed the door and threw the bags on the table in the left corner of the room. Mickey took five steps and dropped across the bed on his stomach. He landed arms out, feet hanging over the edge of the bed. Ian smiled and moved to the window went and pulled the heavy drapes together, to block out most of the glare of the afternoon sun. His eyes adjusting to the dimmer light, he grabbed the bags and started unpacking. There was a small refrigerator in the corner. He put the food and beer away, carried the whiskey and the Marlboro’s to the bedside table. Ian looked down at him and walked around the bed. 

Mickey felt him looking at him and opened his eyes. Ian walked around the bed until he was at the end of it and he was smiling down at Mickey folding his arms together over his chest, Mickey’s smiled. Ian moved away, Mickey watched him until he moved out of his line of sight not moving. Ian walked back through his line of sight with one towel in his hand and walked toward the bathroom door. 

Ian felt his eyes hot on him but he didn’t turn around. His choice, sleep or shower. Feeling around the wall for a switch, he found it and flipped it on. He started taking of his clothes when he heard Mickey move and the thud of boots hitting the floor. Naked, he felt him move up behind him and Mickey took off his own shirt. Ian felt Mickey’s hands slid up his sides, Ian’s breath slowed and he felt himself get hard. He bent over and turned on the shower leaning away, Mickey’s hands sliding over his back and over his shoulder blades. Ian turned around and their eyes met and held. Wild blue and sparkling into his, Ian just let the feelings flow over him all of his edges softened, all his softness hardened. Ian undid Mickey’s pants and they fell. He slid his both sets of fingers under his shorts waistband and slid them down, their yes still locked, their lips so close Ian felt his breath on his face, the heat that came from his eyes searching into the heart of him. 

Ian stepped in pulling Mickey with him by the arm. The water hit Mickey and he breathed out half sigh-half moan. Mickey’s skin tightened into goosebumps and his skin tingled. Ian pulled the curtain closed. He felt Ian wrapping his arms around his chest and let his mind go. Ian moved him forward into the spray of water, his mouth by his ear and Mickey relaxed into him. Ian’s arms moved into the water andhis hands slid over Mickey’s chest. Heat and comfort came around him, a sense of peace and absolute calm.

Ian found a little box of soap opened it and moved it over Mickey, back and over his shoulders and chest. They stood bodies touching. Mickey’s arms hung, slack by his sides his head moved up and down into the water and out, blowing air out through his lips to blow the water away. Ian slid the soap over the back of his neck back and forth. He memorized every inch of his back down his legs, his sides. He knew this body, every inch. He washed him everywhere and Mickey was as hard as a rock. 

Ian stepped back and nudged him forward a step, Mickey’s arms came up and his hands ran through his own hair. Ian’s eyes ate up the sight of his back moving as the water rinsed Mickey. The shampoo was tiny, he opened it and upending it and let into pour out into Mickey’s hair. Mickey felt the shampoo and moved it into his hair while Ian scratched the back of his neck with all his fingers. “Ahhhh”, he heard from Mickey, his head moved right then left to feel his fingers. Ian’s hand lowered around Mickey’s neck over his back. Water humming, the steam rose. 

Mickey turned around and tilted back into the water. He didn’t remember any shower he had ever taken ever feeling this good, he felt completely clean. Ian’s hands slid around and up, down the stream of water poured over him, he caught a slice of water that fell and lifted the water up his skin, his eyes not leaving his skin. Mickey’s eyes opened, Ian’s eyes were watching his own hands move over his skin. He brought his arms down over Ian’s arms and cradled his arms over his, wrapped his hands under Ian’s upper arms. He hissed in and out through his slack mouth and his eyes came up, heat and want rushed together through him. Ian’s mouth came down and moved over his slowly. He pulled him toward him, pulled him in and his hands slid over his back, Mickey pushed the tips of his fingers into his back, slid them up and down feeling Ian’s smooth skin, feeling his muscles contract under his hands. He tightened his grip and guided Ian with his upper body around in a circle and let out a low “Mmmm “when Ian’s tongue teased his. 

Mickey slid his mouth away and took the soap and his hand moved over Ian's chest onto his neck. Slow and steady he washed Ian. His eyes on Mickey, he watched him. His blue eyes brighter, full of everything he felt for Ian, friendship, lust and love. Mickey smiled slowly and Ian’s breathed hitched at the intense pressure that pushed at his heart, opened up in him and spread through his chest. 

He pushed the soap through Ian’s hair as it lathered up. Mickey massaged his head gently Ian’s eyes closed. Mickey looked at his face, it was completely unguarded. He put the soap down threaded his fingers through Ian’s hair. He felt the love move though him, waves of it as he looked at Ian’s face, his eyes closed with complete trust in him. He tilted Ian’s head back gently and let the water wash the soap away, his fingers moving through it over and over. The soap gone his hand came down to Ian’s jaw, he held it and slid his lips over his. He opened Ian’s wet lips with his tongue sweeping slowly across them seeking his and he felt Ian’s tongue come to his. He slid his fingers down Ian’s neck, over his chest and around his waist. Ian’s arm came up around him. They pulled each other in. 

Mickey felt Ian shudder. Mickey’s arms moved around him tighter and he deepened the kiss. Ian’s hand came to his face, he slowed the kiss and pulled back and laid his forehead on his. Ian opened his eyes looked into Mickeys; ‘I love you’ was there. Mickey read his eyes and understood them; it was acceptance and faith, trust and connection. Mickeys hand came back up and rested over Ian’s. He turned his mouth into Ian’s palm and kissed it. Mickey’s eyes slid shut as his lips moved over his hand. Ian pulled him into his chest, his arms around his waist holding him as Mickey’s forehead came to Ian’s shoulder and he rested there, still holding Ian’s hand his thumb moved back and forth over it. They stood water running, together. 

Mickey put his head back with a smile and pulled at Ian’s hand that was still in his, he pushed the curtain back and they stepped out. Mickeys grabbed the towel and swiped at his face roughly. He pushed it over Ian’s face not nearly as rough, Ian scrunched his nose up and Mickey let out a laugh at the look on his face. The towel moved over neck and chest, he dried Ian. Hand moving lower over Ian’s hip his eyes lit up for Ian and his eyebrows rose. Ian took the towel from him, Mickey’s eyes flashed hotly. He started on Mickey’s chest and dried him off slowly. He pushed the towel over Mickey’s hair with a rough tousle, Mickey scowled at him. Ian pushed his nails over his scalp and came close to a giggle when Mickey hummed with sheer pleasure. He pushed the towel over his hair again, over his neck and down. He rested his arms on Mickey’s shoulders, towel at the back of his head, kneading into it. Ian’s hair dripped. He pulled one arm back to wipe it over his own giving it a rough pass and dropped the towel. He pushed his hair back away from his face with his hands. Mickey held his bottom lip with his teeth, raw lust was in his eyes. Ian lips spread into a smile moving closer, they kissed slow and steady. No thought, nothing. Touch, heat, hands, tongue…need…want… 

Give.

Past the first flush of lust, past the overwhelming need to possess the slow burn was a high. They moved together into the dim room, kissing deeper. Mickey pulling him as he stepped backward toward the bed their mouths never breaking from each other. 

They moved until the side of the bed hit the back of Mickey’s legs. Mickey pulled, Ian pushed and they went down onto the bed together. Mickey’s bones melted into the bed and Ian. Bracing on his lower arms Ian took his mouth his eyes opening, he watched Mickeys jaw work up and felt his stubble brush against his, his hard body moving under him. He bent to his neck skimmed his open mouth over it and trailed his tongue up and down. He closed his mouth over the bend in his shoulder as Mickey’s hands moved over his skin, he bent to Ian’s shoulder his lips and teeth gently closed them over it, tasting. Ian hissed. His mouth moved down to his collar bone, the hollow at the base of his neck. Mickeys hand moved to the back of Ian’s neck splayed out his fingers and stroked over his skin, he closed his eyes and felt Ian’s mouth move over him, waves of heat ran through him. His back arched into his mouth, his hands moved over Ian’s back molded to his muscles and back up into his wet hair his fingers moved through it. 

Ian’s tongue flicked over his nipple, Mickey’s mouth opened wider as the quick shot like a blade sliced into him and his breath caught. Ian came back up over him braced on his arm and teased his open mouth with his lips and tongue. Mind blurred to everything but the hot waves and the touch of Ian’s skin in his moving hands. 

Ian’s hand roamed his neck and chest and he felt the heavy beat as his hand moved over Mickey’s heart. He pulled his mouth away opening his eyes and he looked down at his hand on Mickey’s chest. His heart thumped wildly against his hand. 

‘Heart and steel.’ He thought. His heatt beat so strong against him. 

A deep pain roiled up inside him and his heart sank, memories of emotions came back to him. The soft wishes and fear, the pleasure and love, the agony and resignation.  
He looked back up to Mickey's face, Ian’s eyes swirled with naked emotion. 

His heart beat under the cage of his lungs. Beat. Beat. 

Memories flooded through Ian, the pain and loss rolled through his chest. The intensity of it caught his breathe and it stuck in his lungs. 

Mickey saw his eyes change, he saw the pain, regret and loss Ian felt in that moment. Mickey moved his hand to Ian’s and held it. He slid his lips up to Ian’s slowly and eased over them, Ian’s breathe came back raggedly. 

Ian felt his mouth and the connection brought him back but the pain still rolled through him. He felt his eyes fill with hot tears and slammed them shut. He pushed down onto Mickey’s mouth hard, his hand a vice on Mickeys. 

It had shaken Ian, he soothed him with his free hand moving it slowly up and down his back. He let Ian rip into his mouth roughly, shoving. Mickey took control, eased him with his steady hands and slowed the kiss. He pulled his face back to look into his, holding Ian’s jaw he eased his head back. Mickey’s face was still. Ian’s eyes were squeezed shut. Mickey waited, not moving a muscle. Ian’s eyes opened slowly, they were dark and clouded,his breathing ragged. He stared up, Ian looked down. They stayed there until his eyes cleared and his breathing slowed. Mickeys thumb moved over his cheek back and forth. He saw the storm pass through him, his eyes lighten, felt his body relax. Mickey pulled his face to his, moved over his mouth, Ian’s responded, eyes closing. 

Ian reached down to Mickeys moving hip held it and stroked over it. Mickey’s breath came faster, Ian’s lips moved deeper and harder over Mickey’s lips.  
Mickey pulled him to his side and onto his back in one motion. He sank his mouth into Ian’s neck, Ian flashed hot and his clutching hand moving in Mickey’s hair and down his shoulder. Mickeys hand moved to Ian’s, he laced his fingers though his. Mickey’s shoulders moved back up, his free hand moved over Ian’s skin. Ian’s skin tingled with hot needles as he moved. He slid his tongue down slowly and spread his fingers. Ian’s let his eyes close, let his mind and heart blur with Mickey’s touch. 

His mouth moved over his chest, tasting him. His slid his tongue up the line in the center of his chest slowly and teased up his right collar bone. He slid his tongue down slowly and spread his fingers. His splayed hand moving up his chest as his tongue went down. His mouth closed over Ian’s hip, he felt Ian shudder. He turned his head his tongue teased out to the side of Ian’s cock tasting him, Ian’s breath stopped. Tongue wide he slid it up and licked over the head of Ian’s cock. He opened his mouth over it and slid his lips down Ian’s cock firmly. Ian’s hand in his hair as his mouth settled around it, he slid his head down slowly and all the air rushed from Ian’s lung. He felt Ian’s hot skin in his mouth he closed his eyes, his tongue swirling as his head moved up and down steadily. His hand moved over Ian’s chest, fingers wide. He opened his eyes, locked them on Ian’s eyes watching him. He moved his mouth up, hovered over and circled it with his tongue. Ian’s breath came faster and faster, his hand clenched into Mickeys hair. Ian’s mouth was stretched back from his teeth. Ian eyes closed to gain control he was so close to going over the edge his body vibrated with it. Mickey brought his tongue back in his mouth with a smile. 

Breathing hard he crawled up over him braced on his upper arms and knees, Ian’s eyes snapped open. Mickey hand curled around the back of his neck, slipping his tongue out, Ian’s tongue came out to touch his. Mickey lowered his head until their mouths came together. Ian slid his hand up and slid his fingers through Mickey’s hair.  
Ian’s hand moved over his damp hair down to the nape of his neck. His hand moved over him trailing down until his hand was between them teasing his fingers over him until tips of his fingers brushed over Mickey’s cock. Mickey’s gut clenched and waves of heat with pulses of pressure moved up his body. He turned his hand and wrapped his hand around it and stroked. The wave’s raged through him, Mickey’s mouth tore away from his gasping. His eyes squeezed shut, his chest heaved, his whole body tense.  
Ian felt it quiver in his hand and pulled his hand away. He pushed at Mickey’s hip hard and gripped Mickey’s side with his other hand, pushing with one hand he pulled with the other and shifted over him in one move. 

Ian’s hands moved over his hip, side and chest and sank his lips and teeth into the hollow between his neck and shoulder. Mickey breath sucked in through clenched teeth as his skin broke into goosebumps. Ian’s fingers moved over them slowly, feeling the affect he had. He kissed him slow and deep and moved his hand over his arm until he found Mickey’s hand, his fingers wrapped around his hand and he pulled it up with him as sat up straight. Mickeys legs hooked around his thighs, he held Mickey’s hip bone he slid into him and let out a low moan. 

Mickey breathes jagged, he lifted his head off the bed and closed his eyes. Ian stopped and curled his hand around the back of his neck, Mickey’s eyes opened for him. He watched Mickeys face and eyes change as he moved steadily. Ian’s hand moved over from his hip to Mickey’s cock and wrapped his hand around it taking it firmly; he held his hand still and let it move with their shifting bodies. He felt Mickey’s cock quiver in his hand he felt the rush of hot move over his palm and watched Mickey’s face change felt his body shudder against him as the orgasm rocked through him. 

Mickey’s whole body rushed hot and his felt it tear through him. He grunted low and let his eyes close and his head fall back, the waves slammed over him until they settled in a warm slow heat.

Ian braced on one arm and lowered himself down slanting his lips over Mickey’s open mouth. Mickey’s breath moved over his lips in and out hard. He lifted his upper body, brought Mickey's hand up and braced on his hands over him, he a his legs and rocked forward. Their breathing heavily they moved together, Ian felt Mickeys hand digging into his side his hand clenched in his, the feel of their skin moving against each other. The heat was so intense it burned at his chest, he let it burn over and with a deep thrust he opened his eyes and Mickey’s half lidded eyes seared into his. He came in a rush of blinding pleasure, shuddering his breathe sucking in hard. Mickey hissed and Ian’s mouth crushed on his open mouth, taking in jagged breathes. 

Ian’s body relaxed slowly, Mickey’s hands on his side stroking over him he tilted his head and slid down into Mickey’s neck he panted until his breath slowed, he turned into Mickey’s skin and opened his mouth over it. He lifted his head and Mickey’s eyes were closed, he brushed the back of his knuckles on Mickeys jaw and the corners of Mickey’s turned up into a smile. 

Mickey felt like he could feel every cell in his body. Ian’s weight over him and his fingers brushing his jaw, he felt little sparks fly over it. His hand and fingertips moved over Ian’s skin, he felt his hand vibrate. Ian’s lips on his, his tongue on his and his throat ached. Ian lifted his lips slowly away and Mickey let out a breath of contentment. He felt Ian’s weight shift off of him, he turned to his side and Ian settled behind him. Ian’s mouth moved over his back and shoulder, it felt like a breeze rushing through him making him shiver. He felt Ian against his back and he tightened his fingers into their still interlocked fingers. 

Ian’s mind began to function again slowly drifting in and out. 

It came back to him like a foggy dream, the kick in the chest and the pain he had felt in that moment, Mickeys eyes on his, willing him to calm. No hit he had ever taken had hit him like when this pain came. 

It wasn’t the first time. The first time was about a week after he came home from the Army. Mickey had been over him kissing him, he was overwhelmed by the emotion flowing through him and all that had come before rushed through him. His whole body had gone stiff and his eyes had squeezed shut tightly. Mickey had frozen and pulled away looking down at Ian’s face. Ian was sucking air into his mouth like he had been hit hard. “Hey?”…”HEY!”…”IAN!” 

His name had broken through. His eyes had blinked open, they were blurred and a tear slide away. “Fuck” Mickey said. He had pushed at the tear with the hand already at his face. Ian’s had wrapped his arm around Mickey’s waist. Mickey had moved down next to him pulling him up to lie sideways and Ian’s arm pulled him in tightly. Side by side his eyes bore into his. Mickey had seen it then, the absolute misery. “Shit” Mickey had whispered. He had tucked Ian’s head into his chest and moved his hand over his hair until he calmed. 

Mickeys head tilted toward the ceiling. If he didn’t know better he’d have sworn Mickey knew he was thinking, like radar. Mickey squeezed his hand, smacked a kiss on the back of it and started to move away. Ian smiled and shifted on to his back, his arms went under his head. Mickey moved over to his bag, unzipped it and shuffled through clothes. He brought out shorts, slid them on. He watched him move, he was hard and fluid at the same time. He looked into his own bag his brow furrowed in confusion, his hand went up in a ‘where are they’ gesture. 

“Here” Ian said. His elbow moved vaguely toward the bed side table. 

Mickey looked over and saw the cigarettes and alcohol. 

“Ah” he said.

Ian bet himself 5 dollars he’d go for the cigarette and not the whiskey, he did. He sat against the headboard legs splayed. Without thinking about it Ian’s arm came down and reached out to his leg. Mickey inhaled sharply, slowly exhaled. Ian felt the weariness that rolled off of him. He was so tired. He stroked his leg and looked up at him, his eyes were closed and his thumb rubbed at them roughly. He set the cigarette between his lips and pulled on it. Ian’s free hand came up over his head; Mickey’s eyes opened and handed it to him. The afternoon light came in slants across the room through the gap in the curtains. Dust hung in the air mixing with smoke. They passed the cigarette until it was gone. Mickey stubbed it out and moved down toward Ian. Still over the covers, Ian shifted and pulled them down until they were out from under them while Mickey was settling in, he pulled the blankets and sheets over them to their waists and fixed them over Mickey. Mickey rubbed at his closed eyes and brought it down flat onto the bed, letting it rest there. Ian’s hand at his waist, he stroked at the skin above the blanket and let his eyes linger.

He looked so young, like he did years ago. He sifted through memories he held in the back of his mind. 

The early morning meets before school, the after school. 

The laughing until they couldn’t breathe.

The sex until they couldn’t move…for about 5 minutes. He smiled to himself. 

The high of love…the crush of it…the understanding … the fucking fun…the fights, fists and blood. 

Living together, waking up with him, going home to him. 

His mind played with the memories letting Mickey fall asleep, or he thought he had until he heard

“Aymaansllleeep” Mickey said. Turning his head into the pillow. 

It took a second for his brain to interpret, it had come out in one long slurred word. ‘Hey man, sleep.’ or ‘Go to sleep Ian’. Ian smiled again, scrubbed a hand over his face. He shifted over closer, laid flat on his back and felt Mickeys arm snaked around him. He lifted his arm resting it over Mickey's and closed his fingers through his, he let his eyes close, he let the memories rest and let sleep come.


	2. One room

Ian woke up slowly and his body did not want to move, he forced his eyes open and adjusted his vision, pushing his fingers over his eyelids. He felt Mickey’s hand in his lax and felt Mickey’s body beside him. He turned his head to look at him, his face was shadowed but he could make out the line of his jaw and his dark eyelashes. Last night moved through his memory and warmth flowed through him. The walls that had been built up during their time apart were gone. Questions asked and answered, questions not asked were still answered through actions. 

He slid out from under Mickey’s hand and carefully moved to the end of the bed and moved into the bathroom and closed the door softly. He had no idea what time it was, they had both been so tired it could be 3 am. He ran the shower hoping it wasn’t too loud and stepped in. Hot water ran over him he turned and let it run down his back. He found the little soap and washed quickly but didn’t wet his hair. He just needed the heat and the water to wake up. The fog started to lift as he brought the warm water over his face. He turned off the tap and stepped out and found the discarded towel from earlier. He dried himself and wrapped it around his waist. He went back out and quietly grabbed his backpack and boots and carried them back with him, eyes on Mickey making sure he didn’t wake up. He grabbed shorts, jeans and a tee-shirt and dressed quickly hoping he wasn’t making too much noise. He saw his jacket and he slid both arms in and slid his hand into the pockets to bring up it over his shoulders when his hand felt the surface of his phone; he slowed and remembered the world was not this one room. He took a deep breath and secured the jacket the rest of the way.

‘That was then and this is now’ he thought to himself.

But his conscious tugged at him, there was still two calls he had to make. 

He pulled out the phone, turned it on and entered the pass code. He read the screen, 3 missed text messages, he immediately hit dismiss. He slid it open to get the time. 6:42 it was earlier than he had thought. 

He turned off the light and moved quietly around the bed and picked up the cigarettes and lighter. Mickey’s breathing was still steady. He opened the refrigerator door and it opened soundlessly and lifted the six pack carefully out, it closed with no noise and he moved toward the door. Key in his pocket he slipped through and led the door into place behind him. It was dusk. The car was still there. 

‘That’s good’ he thought ‘nothing worse than someone stealing a stolen car.’

He lit a cigarette and headed around the side of the building and looked around at the empty lot, there was nothing but weeds and those tumble things, he tried to remember what they were called. ' Weeds? How can weeds tumble?' he wondered randomly. The landscape stretched out, there wasn’t much here but he could see lights in the distance, restaurant maybe? That would be good. 

He went around the last corner to the back wall of the building. The area around the wall didn’t look too disgusting he thought. He put the cigarette in his mouth and slid his foot back and forth moving the dirt over to at least a fresh coat of dirt. He turned and sat against the wall and brought his knees up in front of him. He opened a beer and took a long drink. He settled in and watched the sky turn darker with the sunset. His thoughts turned to home. It was so easy not to think about home with Mickey next to him and even though Mickey was from home he was always, in his mind set apart. Mickey was his; all the good and bad, all the push and pull had ended up with them finally being able to be ‘them’. He wasn’t easy but he was never bored he thought with a snicker. 

Flicking the cigarette, he drank and tried to ignore the tug in his mind to read the messages. 

He should read them now while Mickey was asleep, he thought. He never asked about Trevor, it was a non-issue to Mickey, Ian was here with him and it was that simple.  
He pulled out his phone and slid his fingers over it until he saw messages and opened the ap. 

Trevor- 'Where are U?' 

Lip-'You OK man?'

Trevor- 'Hello???'

Lip didn’t know where he was, hell no one did but he was too smart to fool for long. He had probably figured out where he was by now and Ian knew he’d cover for him until he got up the balls to tell them himself. 

His finger moved to Photos and the first picture was Fiona’s smiling up at him. He swiped- Chris, Nat and Greg all around a bar table all in uniforms, large drinks in front of them, all smiling. Swipe- Liam. Swipe- Debbie holding Franny. Swipe-Lip middle finger up. He took a drag and looked at Lip. He was having a shit time at the moment, between his drinking and not getting back into college he was on a dark path. He had been on a dark path and they had done what they do.

Fiona had henpecked at him about his meds. Lip had checked in with him more often than he usually did, never asking him outright but always making sure Ian knew he was there for him. Debbie had forgiven him for swinging a bat at her head without hesitation. Carl. Ian smiled instantly when he thought about his brother and his crazy questions.

“Will the pills make you not gay anymore?”

And he had apparently done some research on Bi-Polar meds because he had walked into the kitchen one morning and Carl had immediately asked,

“So you can’t get it up now?” 

Ian laughed to himself; Carl was Carl, there was a huge personality inside that little body. 

He closed the pictures, and put the phone back in his jacket pocket. He drank and let the thoughts come. He had dragged himself back from the dark and sometimes it was still dim but he knew now how to work through it. He had a job he was good at and he really liked helping people. He had met Trevor and had thought cute/safe. He was safe and he knew it really wasn’t fair of him to think that but he was fun and easy to get along with most of the time. Ian felt Trevor was safe, but Ian felt safe with Mickey. 

‘That’s pretty fucked up.’ he thought. 

One was a feeling and one was an action which pretty much summed up their differences. He could hide from Trevor, like he was now whereas Mickey could find him if he was at a bottom of a cave in Bolivia. He could also hide feelings from Trevor unlike Mickey. Trevor wasn’t selfish really, just demanding. Ian figured it was from not being able to be who he really was for most of his life. 

‘Not being able to be who he was for most of his life’ he thought about Mickey. He didn’t demand, he would wait until he figured something out in his mind, his brain was always working. And if he lost his patience he hammered it out, sometimes with an actual hammer. 

Ian tossed the butt. He sat back his legs stretched out in front of him. 

Action was Mickey’s way. 

It had always surprised him when shit happened that Mickey was so accepting of him. From the moment Mickey had decided he would be with Ian he was all in. Ian’s thought back to that night. Mickey had come to the club in Ian’s shirt. 

Mickey’s action. 

The light was dancing over Mickey’s face, the music booming. Mickey’s eyes were on his tense, then his whole face fell and his eyes melted, his mouth came to his as his hand came to his neck and they kissed in public. For a long time he had locked his memories up because he had to survive it. He had to see through the break up. Everything he had done to Mickey while he was manic, the pain he caused him- every moment grated on him, weighed on him. He had shattered and saw himself pulling Mickey with him and he had pushed,

‘No pushed isn’t the right word’ he thought. He had cut, slashed him out and he would drown alone. 

Mickey knew though, he couldn’t hide a fucking thing from him. It was a double edged sword when someone knew you inside and out. He thought about his family again and everything they had done when he was first diagnosed, and one clear thought came through. 'Mickey had done all of it.' He made sure he took his meds, he had checked on him, Ian remembered he had rarely left his side. He had forgiven him without hesitation and there was no one who could make Ian laugh more than Mickey. 

He let the thoughts swirl around not holding on to any of them for more than a second. Mickey… home…Lip… Carl…Frank/ Monica… Mickey… Trevor…Debbie’s getting married, he wouldn’t be there… He wouldn’t see Franny grow up. His mind turned to the life on the run had taken on, the lies for the rest of his life, the stealing and scamming. He knew Mickey would end up on his feet wherever he went but one wrong move and they would both be in jail or dead. Ian had been on the outskirts of law breaking and it had never bothered him what Mickey did for money that was South Side. Now he was in it, not on a rig in Chicago with his safe boyfriend and his crazy family. The doubt crept in and the knowledge he would never being able to be who he had become anymore. But he also knew he would never love anyone the way he loved Mickey and no one would know love and understand him the way Mickey did. Mickey wasn’t perfect but his love for Ian was. 

He heard footsteps and his head came up. Mickey came walking over wearing Ian’s hoodie with the hood up; his arms were swinging and he was moving fast.

“Hey! There you are man, didn’t know where you went.”

“Found me.” Ian smiled at his own joke. 

Mickey did the same thing he did and kicked at the dirt with a boot away from Ian. He turned and sat with a huff.

“Whatcha doin?” He asked smiling

Ian handed him a beer, he took it and opened it with a “Hmm” Mickey murmured over the beer-Mickey speak- ‘Thanks’

“Didn’t want to wake you’ Ian said opening a new can for himself.

“Well you shoulda” Mickey smirked and his eyes sparkled. 

Ian snorted out a laugh “You were tired, thought I’d let you sleep”

‘Yeah I was.” he said “That bed is fucking heaven’

“After a car and the ground yeah” Ian said 

Mickey sucked beer around through his teeth. “Man that felt good” he said in a low voice 

Ian murmured “Mm hm” in agreement. They were talking about the bed and last night in their own way. 

Mickey looked out over the nothing. He tugged at his jean pant legs and slid his knees up in front of him. He had woken up and came awake fast when Ian hadn’t been there. He fought the panic down as he got up he saw the cigarettes and Ian’s bag gone. He went straight into the bathroom and saw the bag on the floor and his panic eased. He grabbed it and went to the window and opened a drape, looking out a sigh of relief came when saw the car was still there. He dressed quickly, grabbed more smokes and went through the door his heart pounding. He headed toward the end of the building and kept walking until he came to the back corner and there he was sitting against the wall head bent with a beer in his hand. Mickey had taken a deep breathe in and all the panic was gone.

Ian lit up a smoke and handed it over, Mickey took it. 

“This was a good fuckin' idea.” taking the smoke in.

“It was yours.’ Ian reminded him

“Yeah? ..So?” 

“You’re just congratulating yourself then?”

He gave Ian a ‘Shut the Fuck Up’ look, but the corners of his lips were turned up. 

“It was a good idea, happy?” Ian said

Mickey smiled at him beer at his mouth… “Yeah?!” His eyes gave him a ‘what the fuck, obviously!’ look and took a drink and was smiling when the beer came away. He was stupid happy. 

“That’s mine” Ian said, eyes on his sweatshirt.

“Mine now bitch” he said tugging a sleeve up “You left it.”

“In MY bag” he pointed out

“And where’d you leave the bag?” He asked hand going up. 

Ian couldn’t argue with that, He tilted his head a fraction to agree. 

“Yeah?” He said nodding “What’s that?” Looking at his chest

“What?” Ian asked, he opened his arms and he looked down at himself.

Mickey reached over pulled the jacket open.

He looked down and saw Mickey’s t-shirt, Mickey’s favorite t-shirt, he had had it since he went away. His head came up he looked forward mouth twisting into an O. 

“Ya. Oh.” Mickey said with sarcasm.

He pushed at Mickey’s arm and Mickey chuckled. He settled back against the wall his arm came back and he let it dangle over his knee. 

“I want that back” Mickey said. 

“Yeah, yeah” He snorted a laugh 

Mickey’s head went back against the wall protected by Ian’s hood and tilted his head toward Ian. The light was almost out but he could still see him. Ian’s smile lingered on his face and he leaned back into the wall mirroring Mickey, he dragged at the cigarette and let it out with a hiss and handed it to Ian. He watched Ian take in the smoke, his stomach hitched and rolled, he let the heat pass through him and it rolled up through his chest. He bit his lip. ‘Mm.’ He thought and his tongue came out and moved over his lips. 

He saw Ian’s eye brow draw together and tilt his head down, he turned the cigarette in with his hand and watched the glow. 

‘Something going on there.’ Mickey thought. 

The memory came back of the night before of Ian over him eyes full of pain, his heart clenched in his chest as guilt edged through him. Ian was a tough motherfucker; he had taken hit after hit from everyone and everything including him. His mind reached back to before Ian had left for the Army. The memories blurred together, Ian’s face- Ian’s skin- heat- pleasure-Ian’s bones against his knuckles-boiling jealousy- Ian's fists-rage-cold-Ian’s eye’s breaking. 

He put his hand out finger apart. Ian handed it over. 

He smoked the cigarette, took a hit from his beer and waited.

“We could stay here?” Ian said after a moment of silence.

”Here?”

“Yes here” 

“Like another night?” Mickey said in confusion. 

“No” he waved his hand around in front of him. “Here.”

“Why the fuck would we wanna do that?” His face screwed up. 

Ian was quiet.

“Rednecks and guntottin’ homophobes? They don’t exactly roll out the red carpet for our kind here man.” He drank.

“And what are we gonna do for money in Shitsville USA? “ He added.

Ian looked away.

Mickey waited a beat, tried a more practical approach 

“Plus the passports I got will get us over the border but as ID, here?? Scoffed “No.” 

Ian played with the tab of the beer, pushing, pulling. 

“We can stay the night, take off in the morning.”

Ian listened to the low timber in Mickey’s voice. He squeezed his eyes shut for a beat. He opened them and nodded. “Yeah’ he looked back at Mickey.’Yeah” He repeated. He felt bad he had broken into Mickey’s happiness. 

Mickey’s hand turned out, he held out the last of the cigarette to him, Ian threaded his fingers around it and pulled it over. Ian took the last hit and tossed it away. 

Mickey watched his boot scrap at the rocks under it. 'Ian was overthinking everything' He thought. They had a car, some money and a bed what the fuck? What they didn’t have and never would again was the shit show that was Chicago. They are happy alone, without the world fucking it all up again. 

The can in hand was empty, he closed his finger in and pushing forward and chucked it, it flew and they watched it land. Ian sucked down the last of his beer leaned forward and threw his can, it landed just short of Mickey’s. 

”Shit” he said.

“Heh, and you got those long ass arms” He teased.

“Fuck you” he said with no bite.

“Ok”’ Mickey said. He shoved his hand in the pocket of the hoodie. 

Ian smirked 

“What? Ok.. Please?” Mickey said. His hands going up

Ian laughed, Mickey laughed at Ian laughing.

“We need food” Ian said after the laughter died away

Mickey let out a long sigh, Ian just looked at him. 

“Alright!” His hands came up in surrender. “We eat, then fuck.” He hopped up and smiled wide whipping the dirt off his ass. 

“Let’s go” Mickey said. He stuffed his other arm in the pocket of the hoodie. 

Ian picked up what was left of the beer after he stood up. 

“Hey, that a restaurant you think” Nodding his head toward it.

Walking back Mickey looked over

”Yeah could be, wanna check it out?” 

“Real food would be good” Ian answered. 

“Hey” Ian started. “How do weeds tumble?”

“Huh?” Mickey asked still thinking about Ian’s earlier question about staying here. 

“Ya know the tumble things?” he said pointing his finger out straight and circled it in the air.

Mickey laughed “The tumble things?”

“Yeah, ya know.” he moved his finger faster and made a whistling noise

“That’s not really helping me figure it out” he said with a laugh. 

Ian turned the key and put the last of the beer on the table.

“The weeds that tumble,the things. What are they called?” Ian asked 

Mickey smiled and let out a laugh, “Tumbleweeds.” he said 

They laughed all the way to the car. 

It was a ‘Tex Mex’ restaurant. “What exactly is Tex-Mex?” Ian asked as they pulled in. “No fucking clue” Mickey answered. 

Ian went in and Mickey waited car running flipping radio stations, all Spanish crap. He saw movement to his right and he head snapped back. COP CAR. He turned in away from the window. The hoodie was up around his face but he put his elbow on the window and relaxed like he was waiting, which he was. The door opened and slammed he heard the jangle of keys and cuffs. Mickey looked down at the wires, he couldn’t see them clearly. It was dark enough for the cop not to see but put his leg up closer to the seat, blocking it with his knee to make sure. 

‘FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!’ 

The cop was in beyond the hood now. Mickey watched him move and flipped buttons trying to look bored as the thoughts screamed-‘COCKSUCKINGMOTHERFUCKINGBITCH!’ The cop went in the restaurant. 

IAN

He fought the urge to push open the door and run in. They didn’t know Ian’s face, Ian could handle himself, it’s fine. 

‘Tell that to my screaming fucking brain’ the thought overrode the calm he was trying to force. FUUUCCCK! Fists clenched he slammed one into the door. 

'Come out.' he willed Ian. Come now.

Ian saw the cop while he waited for their take out order, he turned away from him trying to look calm. There was a poster of a bull on the wall he pretended to look at. He calmed himself down after the first initial shock, ‘Just move away and out the door’ he thought to himself. He heard the cop’s voice as it moved away from him toward the lunch bar, he turned away from his voice and starting walking.

He hit the door and heard “Sir” His heart stopped. He turned and the woman who took his order was walking over with a bag.

He took a steady breath. “That was fast” He made himself say.

“Thank you, have a good night” she said

“You too” he heard himself say

He made himself push at the door slowly and walked normally. He saw the green wagon and the cop car in the next space. Fuck Mickey! But he saw him, hands waving. He got in fast and Mickeys eyes were wide on him “Holy fucking shit” he said. “Drive” 

Ian shoved the bag over and drove the slow short distance to the hotel making sure he went the speed limit on the short ride back. He was holding his breath and it came out in a rush when he pulled into the motel. “In back” Mickey said. Ian drove the car around their room, pulled into the weeds in back and put it in park. He reached down and popped the hood. Mickey was out and already around the car when Ian slammed his door, the hood of the car slammed back into place and they walked quickly back to the door of their room. Ian turned the key and they were in and Mickey slammed the door closed. Ian hit the light on the wall and threw the bag on the table. 

Mickey’s hand came up to his head and shoved down the hood

Ian stood hands rubbing his lower face and Mickey paced. 

“That was too fucking close” Mickey hissed.

Mickey grabbed up the cigarettes in the pocket and lit one with shaky hands, he threw it at the table and it bounced across the bed. Ian grabbed the pack and lit another one sitting on the bed and smoked hard. Mickey paced hands rubbing at his forehead and Ian watched him, he looked like a caged animal as he stalked around. 

“He didn’t see you?” Ian asked.

“No” 

“OK, so we should be fine” Ian tried to reassure him

Mickey didn’t respond and paced, Ian could see his hands shaking.

“Hey” Ian said low. No response.

”Mick.”

His head turned to him 

Mickey took a shaky breath and said “He went in there with...” Put his hand up to his head.

“Fuck” He shot out.

He moved fast to the table and kicked at it with a grunt, the whiskey bottle tipped to its side. Mickey grabbed the bottle up twisting at the top and threw it away in one motion, he drank fast and slammed it back down to the table. 

“You think I can’t handle shit?” Ian asked pissed

He whipped around 

“What? No, I mean fucking yeah…” ‘SHIT”

Ian saw him try to calm down. 

“I didn’t mean it that way man” He said in a low controlled voice. 

He hand came up to rub at his lower lids and his finger rubbed over them hard, he crossed his arms and shook his head turning back toward the table. His back to him Ian watched his arm go up and down smoking in the nicotine. He flicked at it with his thumb furiously into the little ashtray, he picked the bottle up again and held it. 

“Jesus” He said under his breath. 

Ian’s momentary flash of anger had passed and he stood reaching around Mickey put out his cigarette. Mickey stubbed his out blowing out the last breath of smoke hard. Ian stood behind him, his mouth came to his ear and he slid his hands around his waist. Mickeys moved in his arms swigging at the bottle but he didn’t move away. His arm came up to Ian’s and held it and Ian felt him relax against him. Mickey's eyes closed and his breathing slowed, he put the bottle down and leaned back into Ian. 

Mickey tried to breathe, he felt Ian against and put his head back onto Ian’s shoulder, he felt Ian’s hand stroke over his waist. He turned in Ian’s arms and slid his hand to the side of Ian’s neck and pulled Ian’s mouth down to his. Ian opened for him and he felt his arms moving over him steady and soothing. Ian felt Mickeys hand move over the back of his neck, they moved together opening wider to deepen the kiss.

Mickey’s slid his mouth away and keeping his eyes tightly closed he stepped into Ian, Ian pulled him in their arms wrapping around each other. Ian ran his hand over his back until he felt Mickey muscles loosen under his hands. 

Mickey’s eyes opened and blurred his hand moving into Ian’s hair, he held his head and felt Ian’s heart beat against his chest. He pushed his face into Ian’s shoulder and breathed in, he felt more of the tension ease away. His vision came back into focus he pulled Ian in tight and his arms slipping away he sidestepped away from him and sat on the rumpled bed.

Ian’s took his jacket off and tossed it on the chair by the table, he moved around the bed into the bathroom and stood at the sink. He turned the tap and bent over and brought the water up splashing it over his face. He repeated the motion, his hands moving over his face roughly. He looked up and stared at himself in the mirror, water dripped and his eyes stared back at him and braced one hand on the edge of the sink while the emotions swirled in him. He came back to himself and he thought about the time, meds. Mickey had taken off his boots and shifted to sit against the headboard and lit another cigarrette. He heard Ian walking past him and looked up, he watched him bend and lift the bag of food. 

Ian set the bag down opened it and pulled out the first carton he came to, sitting on the chair and flipped it open. He ate because he had to not really tasting it. He looked over to check on Mickey, he sat with his head back and his eyes closed. He took in his face, his sweatshirt and baggy jeans memorizing everything. He had loved him since he was 15 and the storm in Mickey was still there, he was pure emotion full of rage, passion and love. He needed time to shake it off, Ian turned back to his fries to give it to him. 

They sat in silence until Ian heard Mickey move off the bed. The refrigerator door opened and closed, he came up beside him and put down a bottle of water on the table beside him, he moved away and Ian heard the bathroom door close.

Mickey’s action. Ian looked down at the bottle and felt his eyes sting.

Mickey stripped as soon as the door closed, he needed heat. He shoved back the curtain and turned the tap as high as it would go, he stepped in and hissed feeling it burn him, he let it burn. He needed to drown out the thoughts and the sick fear in the pit of his stomach. He braced on the wall and the water streamed down his face, he pushed his fingers into his eyes shoving the water away. He felt the cold drain from him and turned the tap down and steam rose around him. He let the water beat down on the back of his neck blanking out everything else. 

Ian took the pill with took a long drink. He ate all of the fries, he was hungrier than he had first thought. He heard the shower start and sat back, he drank the whole bottle of water. He stood and stripped off his clothes off and let them fall to the floor leaving only his shorts and climbed onto the bed, his body heavy. 

Mickey stood there a long time until the water ran cooler and he realized he had to move, he washed quickly and stepped out dripping reaching back to twist the tap off. He gave a quick swipe over his hair, arms and chest and wrapped the towel at his waist. He wiped at the steam on the mirror until his face came through and pushed his hands through his hair. The need for heat sated, he only had one other need.


	3. The Junkie

Ian didn’t move or open his eyes when he heard the bathroom door open. He felt the bed shift and felt a lightning shock of pleasure tear through him as Mickey’s hands and mouth came down, hot lips and teeth dug into his side and his hands moving over his body.

“Jesus” he hissed his eyes popping open. 

He felt Mickey’s hands ripping down his shorts, he felt Mickeys mouth on his chest, fast, hot and needy. He felt him move down to his cock and felt Mickey's greedy mouth take it in, his eyes blurred. His mouth pulled at him, his tongue moved quickly sending shock waves through him, Ian arched his neck back into the pillow feeling his hot wet mouth move over him.

“FUUUCKK” he gripped at the bed sheet. 

Mickey's hand was on his hip holding him in place as he moved his mouth. Ian’s hand reached down to take his head and Mickeys hand gripped it tight and held it to the bed. Mickey’s head moved up with his tongue out and teasing over the head and he lapped at it, Ian panted and gripped Mickey's hand tightly. He slid his mouth back over it and moved it steady and firmly until Ian felt like he was on fire. Feeling Ian shake Mickey slowed and moved his mouth to Ian’s hip and licked over it. Ian felt hot liquid drip over his cock and Mickey's hand slide his hand up from the base to bring it over the top. He moved over Ian’s chest his tongue out and mouth moving over him as he slid the hot lube over his cock. Ian pushed up off his back pulling Mickeys up and their mouths crushed together, they pushed up to their knees their hot need rushed. Mickey moved his hands over him hard pushing his tongue, taking Ian’s in. 

Mickey felt Ian’s push at him and Ian flipped him hard and pulled his hips back. He bent over him gripped his sides and pulled him up and slammed Mickey hands onto the headboard and sank his teeth into Mickey's neck. 

Mickey bit down on his lip as Ian held his hip and slid in. Bodies moving, it was rough and hard, the headboard slammed into the wall. Ian’s lips and mouth moved on him, his teeth and nails scraped over Mickey, he took it all. Flashes of heat rolled through him like a tidal wave. Grunts and moans filled the room. Mickey felt Ian start to come, he braced and felt Ian stiffen and cry out against his neck. Ian panted and Mickey felt Ian’s hand grip his arm, he let him push him over and flip him on his back, he landed with his head bent up against the headboard. Ian’s mouth came down onto his cock and Mickey’s eyes snapped open, he saw Ian’s eyes were hot on him. He felt waves roll through him, crashing over him, he held Ian’s head and arched his hips off of the bed. Heat pulsated through him as they moved together, Ian’s tongue teased and Mickey watched him suck as he moved his hips up and into his mouth with a steady motion. He hissed through clenched teeth with every thrust. Ian felt Mickey close to the edge, he opened wider and used his tongue to make him come.

Mickey body shattered into a thousand pieces as he watched Ian take it all, he saw Ian look up at him with a gleam in his eye before his eyes slid shut. 

Ian let himself fall to the bed onto his back, his thumping heartbeat pounding through him. When he could feel his legs again and he was sure he could move he crawled up and made it almost to the pillow before he thought, ‘Close enough’ and let his body fall into the bed. 

'Fuck he's amazing' Ian thought. They knew each others bodies and each others likes wants and needs, they knew everything and it was still a rush every time. He loved watching Mickey with all the raging emotion in his eyes. It wasn’t long before the memories that were coming into mind had him thinking about reaching over and starting all over again.

 

He tilted his head up and Mickeys head and neck still bent at an angle against the headboard, his arms were stretched out beside him completely relaxed. Ian laughed at the look on his face and Mickey either didn’t hear him or didn’t care because he didn’t bat an eyelash. Ian thought the next round could wait a few minutes so the the tough guy could rest, he smiled and sat up and he shifted Mickey down onto the pillow. Ian got up and slid on his shorts, he moved around the bed to the bedside table and grabbed up a cigarette, he lit it walking toward the window and peeked out through the drapes and saw the lot was empty.

Mickey moved to his back with a sigh and a smile, this was and had always been the best fucking high of his life. His eyes were heavy ‘Fuck it’ he thought ‘they’re fine closed…who needs eyes?’ He smiled wider and heard Ian’s low chuckle. He opened his eyes into slits, which was about as much as they could handle. Ian stood in his boxers, cigarette in hand. 

‘Smoke’, he thought craving. He lifted a hand off the bed and waved it. 

Ian snorted and said “Hi.”

Mickey’s eyes narrowed. 

Mickey tried again; he shut one eye, looked at the cigarette pointing with one finger. 

“Oh you want this?” He said all surprise and he held it up.

Mickey grunted.

“What’s that? I didn’t hear you” he teased

He took a long drag and blew it out with an “AAAH”

Mickey turned his hand and put his middle finger up

Laughing Ian came toward the bed and Mickey closed his eye.

He brought Mickeys hand up over his own lap to make room for his legs and he sat sideways facing him. He put the cigarette to his lips, they opened and he inhaled.  
He brought his free hand up to take it in case Ian wasn’t done screwing with him.

His arm had landed across Ian’s lap. The nicotine had perked up his brain enough that he thought he could form words if he gave it a try. 

“Chalaughinat?” It came out in one slurring word. ‘Guess not.’ he thought but Ian answered him.

“You look like a junkie”

He screwed up his face. Ian got the meaning ‘Did you just call me a junkie?’

“I said you ‘look’ like one” Ian said

He pulled on the cigarette and held it out, he felt Ian’s fingers thread through his and take it.

Mickey smiled and his hand in Ian’s lap turned in, he rested it on Ian’s waist and his stroked his thumb over the skin above the waistband of his shorts. He had been a junkie for a long fucking time. His brain floating the images came of the first time he had taken a hit. He remembered the cold biting through him, his dad had wanted smokes and didn’t want to leave the house. ‘Didn’t want to pay for them either’ he had thought at the time twisting his mouth into a snarl. He shoved into the Kash and Grab and the heat hit him in a wave. 

“Fuck” he shot out. 

He walked around the aisles picking up chips and candy adding up the prices in his head. When the total hit the limit of his cash he headed to the front of the store. His arms full he leaned forward and let it all fall to the counter. 

“Hey Mickey” he heard as it fell. 

He looked up surprised. It was that kid he had just been trying to kill like a week ago, he had said ‘Hey Mickey’ like it never happened. 

“Hey?” he said. 

“Pack of Marlboros” Ian reached an arm up over his head and his shirt lifted above his jeans and a little piece of skin peeked out. 

Mickey dug into his jeans and took out the money, his eyes fixed on the bills folded in his hands he started to flip them down. When they were flat he looked up and saw Ian still punching numbers on the register and fidgeted impatiently. 

Ian told him the total.

“That’s wrong.” he said. He was over by 75 cents. 

He had expected Ian to argue with him like most people did but Ian had ripped the receipt off and read it. 

“You’re right. He said. “I added a candy bar twice.” He smiled up at him. 

“Uhh yeah!” he said with sarcasm. “Just…” His hand waved to the register.

“How’d you do that?” he quizzed.

“Huh?”

“You didn’t have a calculator and there’s a lot here” He said glancing down at the jumble on the counter. 

“I don’t know” he shrugged a shoulder. He didn’t like the way the kid was looking at him like he was a fucking wizard for adding. 

‘Must be a fucking idiot’ he thought.

“That’s pretty cool” Ian said looking him dead in the eyes. 

THWACK- he felt in his chest.

‘What the fuck was that”? Mickey thought mildly confused

Ian turned to the register and tallied again carefully and he was right this time Mickey shoved the money at him, Ian took it and straightened the bills out carefully until they were all facing the same way. He fished out the change and handed it back, Mickey stuck his hand up Ian’s came down over his and brushed over it. 

Bzzzzzz. His mind went blank 

He blinked and pulled his hand back, shoving the change in his pocket. Ian bagged up the items and he braced his arms against the counter looking straight down, his sneaker kicking at the floor behind him. The last item in he grabbed the bag and stalked to the door pushing at it hard. He let out the breath he had been holding and didn’t feel the cold, he walked fast with his hands clenched. He stomped up the stairs into the house and threw the smokes on the table for his dad and walked quickly to his room. He shut the door dropping the bag and shrugged his coat off, he realized he was sweating. He brought his still clenched fist up and looked down at it, he opened it slowly and he flexed his fingers. ‘WHAT THE FUCK?’ tore thought his buzzing brain. 

He had gone back, he had told himself he wanted to prove it was just his imagination. He stalked in and he saw Ian behind the counter out of the corner of his eye, he moved to the back of the store and wandered. He heard a deep male voice say something he couldn’t make out to Ian but the tone made him look over. The guy who owned the place was touching Ian’s shoulder and Ian was making googly eyes at him. Mickey turned away and grabbed at whatever was in front of him and headed toward them, the old guy looked up when he heard him coming with a big smile on his smarmy face. Mickey watched his face fall from sunny smile into fear, Mickey smiled wickedly and he immediately shifted away from Ian and moved fast toward the back. 

Mickey laughed ‘Fuckin’ pussy’ he thought. 

His eyes landed on Ian and he threw the bag of chips on the counter. Ian’s head was turned toward the back room, Mickey set him teeth and stared bullets at him.

Ian turned to him finally and said “Hey Mick” and his eyes came up to his.

THWACK! 

Mickey shifted his down eyes down to the counter and took a breath. 

“Hey” he said in a bored tone. 

“Think you can not fuck it up this time?” He poked at the lone bag of chips.

He flicked his eyes back enough to see Ian smile. From the corner of his eyes he watched Ian’s hand moved quickly over the keys, he looked up at Mickey expectantly when he hit the total key. 

Mickey waited a beat and Ian's arm came up and he held out his hand. Mickey shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out the one dollar bill, he held out the money and Ian’s fingers brushed his.

BZZZZZZ. He sucked in a breath. 

Ian’s hand came into his line of vision, he turned his hand around palm up and the change drop into it. He grabbed the chips and hit the door, pushing it open he let all the breath he was holding rush out. Once the buzzing had eased enough for him to think he realized he had turned the wrong way out the door and walked all the way around the block instead of turning around. 

He had gone back like a junkie. When Ian was there he’d pay, never actually making any move to touch but they somehow always did. When he saw the old guy and not Ian he’d get really pissed and stalk around grabbing whatever and walk out the door. The last time before the old guy had had the nerve to draw on him, he had taken all his loot and stormed out. He had turned back to make sure the old guy wasn’t following him and smiled when he saw Ian. 

He strolled back in and saw that Ian had a pissed looked on his face. 

‘Good’ he thought.

“I forgot the dip” he walked to the cooler and grabbed one randomly.

He smirked at Ian as he strolled past him on his way out the door. Ding. 

Mickey let out a laugh as the door closed. He had only gone halfway across the street before he heard a voice behind him, he turned around to look back at Ian standing like he thought he was tough and the old guy cowering behind him. 

‘Blah, blah, blah Mick?…civic pride.’ was all he heard. 

Mickey nodded and whipped the dip at him, Ian ducked away and the dip splashed. 

He sucked the dip off his finger as he turned around to walk away.

“You know where I live if you have a problem” he called out

’Got your attention now bitch’ he thought while he had strolled away laughing to himself.

Mickey came back to the present with a laugh. 

‘It was just another high.’ Mickey said to himself. He felt Ian put the cigarette to his open lips and took a drag, he opened his eyes and looked at Ian through the smoke. 

The one he couldn’t ever give up.

Ian thought he had fallen asleep for a minute but he had seen his lips curl and then smirk obviously thinking about something funny. He had smiled in a wicked way and slid his fingers over his side letting out a low chuckle. After pulling his hand away from Mickey’s lips he crushed out the cigarette and when he looked back Mickey’s eyes were open and on him. He turned his mouth away and blew the smoke out. 

His eyes narrowed “Junkie huh?” he said pushing his tongue around his cheek.

Ian saw the look and nodded. “Yup” He said. 

“I’m the junkie? He asked again. 

Ian saw Mickeys hand come up to his mouth and push side his thumb into the corner and slid over his lip and knew he was in trouble. 

He leaned forward and said,

“Ya.”

Mickey deepened the smirk and said "Ya? OK” he said with a nod.

Ian’s immediate thought was ‘Oh shit.’

His was on his back in a flash, his hand was shoved into the bed and Mickey was straddling his hips. He grabbed up the other hand before he could move it and pinned with the other. Mickey’s arms were against his hands were holding his wrists tightly. 

“Hmm, let’s see..” he said with a gleam in his eyes. He slid his tongue over his own lips giving Ian a preview of what was to come and slid his head down to Ian’s jaw. Mickey's hands loosened and spread over his hands as his tongue came down to his jaw and licked over it. 

“Just a little taste” He said sliding his tongue into the crook of Ian’s neck and brought his tongue around in a circle. He heard Ian’s breathing catch, he slid his tongue under his earlobe and licked it bringing his teeth down gently pulling his teeth off and Ian hissed against his ear. He moved his hands into Ian’s hands and laid them flat as he tilted his head into Ian’s neck and opened his mouth wide and sank over it.

“Mmm’ he murmured tasting his skin. He lightly bit his teeth in and pulled them back, he tasted Ian’s skin sliding his tongue down to the base of his neck. He moved his tongue over the hollow of his shoulder blade and gave it a quick lick, he felt Ian’s body tense. 

“Tastes good.” he said in a low growl.

He slid down breathing over his skin and Ian’s skin peaked up into goosebumps, his tongue flicking out and Ian groaned. His hands slid off Ian’s as he moved, he curled them over his wrists and felt his quick pulse, his thumb moved over them stroking. At Ian’s nipple he looked up and smiled and let his tongue swipe over it sideways. It was instantly hard and Ian arched with a hiss with his mouth open wide. He brought his hand down sliding it over Ian’s arm, over his shoulder and down his chest to his other nipple. He moved it and at the same time flicked it while putting his teeth around the one under his mouth and gently bit it and pulled. Ian’s eyes flew open and his breath caught.

“Jesusfuckingchrist” He gasped out.

Ian reached down with his free hand and grabbed at Mickey, Mickey took his hand and gripped it firmly he brought it to his mouth licking over it and bit into his wrist, Ian’s fingers clenched into a fist. He held his hand in place and slid his tongue over his hand and up to one finger with his eyes on Ian’s he lifted it up and slid his mouth over it. Ian watched him take his finger into his mouth and suck it slowly with a wicked gleam in his eye. Ian arched his hips under him and Mickey could feel him hard as a rock under his shorts. He moved down holding Ian’s wrist with one hand and bringing the other down to move down his side, he felt the goosebumps as it slid over his skin. He moved his open mouth over him pulling with his mouth at chunks of skin as he went. He trailed his tongue along the edge of Ian’s shorts and lifted his head he let out a hot breath, Ian gasped for air. His hand moved up and over his side and brought it down across his quivering stomach. He looked up at Ian his eyes were clenched together tightly and his mouth was hanging open. Mickey trailed his tongue over the edge of his shorts again and smiled wickedly. 

Ian felt hot and cold course through him in waves, he felt the bed shift and Mickey was off of him. 

“Like the first taste? He teased 

He opened his eyes and lifted his head, he saw Mickey stepping away from the bed with a grin on his face. 

“Mm?” Mickey taunted and brought his teeth over his lower lip

Ian’s only response was a blink of his eyes.

“Who’s the junkie now bitch?” He said turning toward the bathroom. 

“Son of a ..” Ian said in a hiss as his head dropped back to the bad. 

Mickey laughed as he walked through the door and closed it with a slam.


	4. The Fugitive Part 1

When he walked back into the bedroom a few minutes later, Ian was propped against the headboard with a remote in his hand and his eyes fixed on the TV. Mickey walked past him and laughed to himself tossing his jeans he had brought back in with him on the back of the chair. He smiled as he reached into the pocket in the side of his back and grabbed his toothbrush, he stuck it in the side of his mouth and held it with his cheek. 

“Whatcha watchin? He asked casually around the toothbrush while he reached back in for shorts. 

“The Fugitive” Ian said dryly. 

“Oh yeah? He slid the toothbrush out. 

“Original or sequel?” He asked casually.

Ian rolled his head over and gave him a dirty look, he stuck his tongue to the corner of his mouth and let out a chuckle as Ian rolled his head back and stuck the toothbrush back into his grinning mouth. He slid on his shorts and jeans and reached in Ian’s bag for the toothpaste, he flashed a quick grin at Ian as he strolled back toward the bathroom.

Ian shot a look after him, ‘Yeah’ he thought ‘we’ll see.’ he thought and looked back at the screen. 

Ian focused on the movie and didn’t look up when he came back in, he got up and headed to the bathroom and left the door open he stripped his shorts off and looked back into the room. Mickey wasn't not looking, he was bent over looking in the little refrigerator. 

‘Hm, sure.’ Ian thought stepping in, he’d wait for his moment.

He took a quick shower and stepping out he heard, “Ooo chicken!” and he snorted out a laugh, he remembered thinking while he was ordering the food that Mickey would go for fried chicken before anything else whenever they had ordered out. He dried himself off quickly and brushed his teeth without bothering with the toothpaste. He walked back into the room naked and slipped under the covers, his back resting against the headboard. Mickey was shoving the bag back into the fridge and with a piece of chicken hanging from his mouth he kicked it closed and carried the container to the bed, Mickey bounced onto the bed and sat against the headboard with one leg on the floor. 

He tore the chicken away from his mouth “Mmm real food.” he said around the chicken. Mickey handed him a piece and Ian brought his knees up and balanced his arms over them and took a bite and they watched Harrison Ford run away from Tommy Lee Jones. 

“This is the best part” Mickey said. Harrison Ford jumped down past the water fall in the raging water below. 

Ian watched and his heart sank, he found the remote and flipped the channel and Mickey didn’t say anything. He flipped around until he saw a comedy and stopped, they watched it giggling at the raunchy humor and ate all the chicken. Mickey grabbed the container and hopped up and he found the barrel in the corner of the room and dropped it in. He grabbed up a napkin and wiped his hands and face and as soon as his back turned to him Ian hit the off button on the remote smiled and pounced. He was off the bed and behind him before Mickey had time to drop the napkin. 

Mickey heard him move and felt his hot mouth on his neck, his hands came around him like a vice.

‘Sneaky motherfucker!’ was the only thought he got out before Ian swung him around and his brain clicked off as Ian’s mouth came down on his. Ian’s hand moved over him, hard and demanding. He was sinking his teeth into his lip and Mickey felt his whole body go hot. His hands were at his jeans and he yanked them forward pulling him toward him, his thumbs griped and he pulled, Mickey’s hands shoved them down. Panting he sank deeper into Ian’s mouth and pulled his face in, he grabbed his wrist and Mickey swung around. He held his wrist and braced it on the table, he sank his teeth into Mickey’s shoulder and Mickey hissed. He moved in and gripped his hip and came up to Mickey’s ear and hissed, 

“Payback’s a bitch.” 

His hands came off of him and turning away and he let out a low laugh. He got three steps before he was tackled, he let out a whoosh and laughed louder as they went down on the bed. They bounced and ended up half off the bed their knees knocking and bodies crashing together. He was overpowered and they came down hard to the floor, he was against the side of the bed, his legs bent out and Mickey’s legs came down around his waist with his knees bent back. Mickey slid his mouth over his, his hand on his neck pulling him in. 

‘Fuuckk’ was his only thought. 

He moved his hands over Mickeys back,down over his hips and around his ass squeezing it bringing his tongue out to his pushing him into him. Mickey took his mouth away and reached over to the table and took the little bottle in hand and shifted his knees back, Ian saw the look in his eye and his came closed with a hiss. He gripped Ian’s cock tightly and brought his mouth down, he sucked over the tip while he held his cock firmly in his hand. 

“Motherfucker” Ian said in a rush. Mickey started lapping him slowly

“Jesus” Ian said 

Mickey took his hand away and he pushed his mouth down hard and tilted his head from side to side. Ian’s body bucked at the searing shots of hot blood that rushed though him. 

‘Now, now, now’ repeated like a drum in his head. Mickey slid his hot coated hand over his cock with a firm grip. 

He pulled Mickey by the neck and Mickey went over onto his hands and knees, he swung his body up over him onto his knees and held Mickeys neck at the shoulder and shifted forward into him. 

“Fuck” Mickey let out sharply

Ian closed the distance between them, back to chest and braced his hands on the floor around him. He moved up as Mickey braced and thrust into him and growled, his whole body needed to move. They moved together hard and he shifted Ian his body weight into him with deep thrusts, he heard Mickey’s loud snarl and felt his whole body contract as he came. Ian let out a grunt and came hard and fast shuddering against his back and they swayed only being held up by Mickey’s arms lower arms and shaky knees. 

Mickey panted and brought them down to the floor with as much control as he could. All of Ian’s body weight was on him and he wheezed in air, he felt both their thundering heartbeats vibrate through his chests. Ian lolled his head to try and get more air in to his lungs. 

His next thought was he was crushing Mickey, he shifted his weight and got most off him weight off but only made it as far as the side of Mickey’s back.

‘Best I can do.’ he thought with dizziness.

Mickey vaguely felt Ian shift and his breathing came back to normal slowly. He realized Ian had pinned his arm under him. 

‘He can have it.’ he thought, his head still spinning. Ian shifted and rolled up to his side with his leg still over Mickey but he was able to move, that was good he thought with a snort. He blinked his eyes open and Mickey was laid out flat on his stomach, his arms out and his eyes opened into slits, they looked at each other with bleary eyes and smiled weakly. Ian closed his eyes and let himself float, Mickey smiled watching his eyes closing shut wearily. 

Sated and spent they didn’t move for a few minutes until Mickey realized they would fall asleep on the floor if they didn’t move. With a lot of effort he opened his eyes and Ian’s head was at a funny angle and over his arm his mouth hung open.

“Ohhh junkie face,’ he thought understanding now and chuckled. 

He tensed his arm and moved it. 

“Eh” was Ian’s response.

He laughed again and brought his free arm up under him to boost himself up and he felt his head rush.

“Whoa” he said slowly and lowered himself back down. 

He looked over at Ian and his arm was still pinned. 

‘Hmmm’ he thought considering his choices, he could flip him off or try to wake him nicely. He leaned over him and kissed him deciding on the high road, Ian’s lips moved and he let out an “Mmph” sound.

Mickey smiled and kissed him again, Ian’s lips responded but the rest of him stayed totally still. With a low voice he said “Ian….comon' ...time to get up” against his lips. Mickey pulled his mouth away and Ian’s lips puckered and the look on his face made Mickey laugh harder. He brought his hand around and brushed his hand over Ian’s head. 

“Ian” he said sweetly between chuckles.

Ian’s eyes came open and Mickey’s laughing eyes were on him, he smiled lazily and tried to close his eyes again. 

“No” Mickey said when Ian turned his face into his arm. “Com'on Junkieface” Mickey said giggling and twisted his arm under his head to bring him up. They lifted themselves up to a sitting position and they both swayed a little with the effort.

“Almost there” Mickey said. He said it with so much determination that Ian giggled. 

They half pushed half pulled up onto the bed and crawled over it and ended up sideways across the bed. Mickey reached over before he landed and reached over Ian and dragged the blanket over them both and brought it around his waist. He rolled the other way and his fingers snagged a pillow and he brought it down under his head shifting closer to Ian. When he finally settled into the bed, he looked over at Ian sprawled out next to him. ‘Jesus fucking Christ’ he thought. He rolled his eyes up and around blinking, he brought his hand up to rub over them. He knew they were intense but shit, that was a whole new level. Mickey made his brain work and thought he remembered a growl. Yeah there had been a growl, there had been a couple actually. He smiled and looked over at Ian who hadn't moved onto the pillow, he hadn’t moved at all. 

“You growled” he said with a teasing voice.

“I did?” He asked without moving his lips. 

Mickey waited a beat while his eyebrows came together remembering.

Ian’s lips came up into a lazy smile.

He pushed his hand over his face and turned toward him rolling up onto the pillow. His arm came up over him and he moved it around blindly until Mickey brought his hand to his, he threaded his fingers through his and rested it on his chest. Mickey heard him let out a sigh. 

“Jesus I love you.” Mickey said with a laugh. 

Ian’s eyes rolled opened and he snorted out a laugh.

"I love you snarlyface” he said slurring, eyes closing again. 

“Snarlyface!?”

“You snarled” Ian said

“I fucking did not” he said

“Umm hmm”

“No” he said eyes squinting together he shook his head quickly but his foggy brain didn’t remember.

“Whatever.” he said when Ian didn’t answer.

Mickey closed his eyes ’Ya, ok” he thought. ‘Sure, I snarled.’

But he had a feeling Ian might not be bullshitting him. He squeezed Ian’s hand and felt a little lazy squeeze back, he let his mind drift off into sleep and let go off everything except Ian’s hand.


	5. Pass the potatoes.

Mickey came awake and realized he was on his side with Ian’s arm around him. The fact that Ian had moved him in his sleep without him waking up was a surprise, he slept so lightly now he was always fucking tired. He carefully moved Ian’s hand over him and sat up on the side of the bed, he rubbed up and down his arms to warm himself up and stretched. He stood up and tried to remember where his clothes were, his eyes adjusted enough for him to see them on the floor by the table. He slid them on and grabbed Ian’s jacket and shrugged into it, damn it got cold. 

‘Fucking coffee’ he thought craving. 'Huh, don’t hotels usually have coffees makers?’ He thought. He looked up and realized there were cabinets on the wall he hadn’t noticed, he’d been too busy getting banged from here into next week, he thought with a smirk He opened the first one nothing, he made sure it closed silently and opened the second and a small coffee maker, a bunch of small bags of coffee and cups were there. 

HA! ‘Texas is growing on me’ he thought. He lifted out the coffee maker and set it down, he slid out the pot and walked to the bathroom for light and water, he switched on the light but Ian was turned away from it and didn’t move. He turned the tap on low and let it fill, he glanced over on his way back and Ian was out for the count. He grabbed up the coffee maker and brought it over to the table and put it aside to take off all their junk off of it. He went back and grabbed a little bag randomly, he slid the cabinet door closed and opened the bag on his way back. 'Oh man’ he thought 'Real coffee', he dumped it in and poured the water in the slot at the top. He found a plug and plugged it in and hit the ON switch. ‘Pretty fucked up to be so happy about coffee’ he thought but prison coffee was colored water with no flavor. While he waited for the coffee he grabbed a cup and turned off the bathroom light and walked back through the room in the dark. He opened the drapes since it was dark out and they were nowhere and pulled the chair around to sit in front of the window. 

Just the smell of the coffee made his mouth water. He kicked his feet out and slid his hand in the jacket pockets, his hand came around Ian’s phone, he put it aside on the table and the other pocket held the key to the room. The coffee looked about half way done 'Fuck it' he though. He poured it into the cup and took a hit still holding the handle. ‘Holy shit’ He thought and poured more in the cup until he was pretty sure it was at the top and drank the super strong coffee, it rushed through his brain waking him up instantly. 

‘Oh ya’ He thought. It was probably a really cheap brand but to him it tasted like heaven.

‘Speaking of heaven..’ he thought to himself and grinned. He thought about sliding his tongue over Ian last night making him crazy but he had to admit Ian got him good. ‘Really fucking good’ he thought biting his lip. They had giggled like kids trying to move after that amazing fuck. ‘Snarlyface my ass’ he thought but the smile fell from his face and he remembered saying ‘Jesus I love you.' ‘Oh shit!’ He thought and a little burst of panic came. It had slipped out without him realizing it and Ian had said it back, ‘ I love you snarlyface.’

‘Fuck’ he ran his hand over his hair and gave himself a mental shake. 

‘Gotta be more careful’ he told himself. He didn’t want to push Ian into doing or saying anything he didn’t want to. After the fucked up mess he had made of Ian’s Bi-Polar shit he had to let Ian take the wheel on certain things, 

‘Including the fucking I love you crap, ya fucking idiot!’ he said to himself.

He drank more coffee and tried to reason with himself. It wasn’t a total fuck up, Ian had said it back and didn’t seem bothered by it but he was strung out on sex at the time. It’s not like they had never said it or that they didn’t know but it was kind of a big thing. Once it was said it was real and it didn’t get tossed around like ‘Pass the potatoes.’

The first time Ian had said it to him he was a fucking mess. Blood was dripping down his face, he was covered in God knew what from the Alibi floor and he hurt everywhere. He was leaning against the kitchen sink trying to ease the dizziness while Ian tried to clean the blood off his face. 

“AH FUCK” he hissed and grabbed at his hand. 

“Shit that’s deep’ he said.

“I’ll just take a fucking shower." He said and blocked his hand away when it came back up.

“Ya OK, go ahead.’ He pushed himself off the sink and Ian was able to push him right back. 

“Come on, sit.” He gave him the best 'Whatever.' look he could but it wasn’t much of one because Ian had swung a chair around and he sat.

Ian pulled another chair up and carefully cleaned his face, Mickey had shut down his brain and closed his eyes and let Ian clean the worst of it. Ian hissed and bitched for him when he knew he had to be hurting him. He heard the chair scrap and realized he must be done and his face was on fire but it was a dull ache. Ian opened the freezer and brought out some kind of frozen vegetables and opened the fridge and brought out two beers, he kicked the door closed and held out the vegetables. He grabbed it and brought it up to his face and the burn lessened immediately. Ian opened the beers and Mickey lifted one downing half of it. Ian lifted his hands to check out the damage to his knuckles and set them back down gently on his own leg and stood to rinse out the washcloth. He sat back down and lifted one and started cleaning his hand carefully trying not to hurt him. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it” Mickey said and picked up the beer and took a long drink. 

Ian didn’t put his hand down he just kept cleaning it and said,

“Of course I’m going to worry about it, I love you.”

Mickey froze, his beer halfway back down to the table and he felt a different kind of heat roll over him. Not one person had ever said that to him before in his whole life, his eyes stung and it wasn’t from the pain. He looked at Ian cleaning his hand so intently, he made a face at the ripped up knuckles like he had not realized what he had just said. Mickey said very quietly, “What?”

Ian looked up and said “I love you.” 

Mickey’s heart was booming in his head and his whole body felt like he was floating, he dropped his gaze to Ian’s hands to alleviate the pressure in his chest and Ian lifted up his hand and continued cleaning his knuckles. 

“But you know that” Ian said and gave him a quick smile. 

After that is a bit of a blur, he remembered Ian taking him into the bathroom and they showered carefully, not letting the stinging water pressure hit any damaged areas. Ian had a huge bruise on his back and side but the skin wasn’t broken, he didn’t want to hurt him so he lightly washed him everywhere else. It was all a hazy dream, going into the bedroom together and they had carefully kissed and touched making sure not to hurt each other and he didn’t feel his split lip at all that night when Ian had kissed him.

Ian didn’t say it because he thought Mickey didn’t know it or felt he had to because Mickey came out that night and he didn’t say it because he needed to say it. He had said it because he thought Mickey needed to hear it and he had, even though he didn’t even know it himself, Ian had known. 

The next few days they hung out and had a blast, they were all broken up and beaten but they were happy as fuck. When it needed to be said they said the words but otherwise they showed it. Mickey thought about more coffee and thought, 

‘I’ll be bouncing off the walls soon, ah fuck it. I’ll offset it with beer’ and poured. The sky started to lighten up and realized the sun must be coming up. ‘Huh, it’s that late? ‘he thought and picked up Ian’s phone to check the time, he punched in Ian’s pass code and it opened. 5:42.

Today was the day, time to go over the border. Five minutes is all it would take to cross over and as long as Ian was there the after didn’t worry him. His immediate reaction to Ian’s idea of him going over as a woman had been. “FUCK NO!” But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it was their best chance for him to get past border patrol. Ian will laugh his ass off but as long as they got over he didn’t give a shit. The sun was coming over the horizon and he watched it come up, it was funny what you never thought of before prison can become important after. 

‘Like watching the fucking sunrise’ he thought with a laugh.

Too bad Ian wasn’t awake he loved this shit, he thought about waking him but let him sleep. He picked up the phone and swiped his thumb over it, he hadn’t used one of these in years but he remembered they were pretty easy. The picture of a camera was an easy bet that was the ‘camera’, he took a picture and hit the screen trying to close it and it didn’t do anything, he started hitting buttons. 'Stupid fucking thing.' he thought and looked down as a picture of an older Debbie holding a baby came up. ‘Baby?’ Who’s baby? Fiona’s? Shit.' It could be anybody’s baby except Ian’s. He set down the phone back down on the table. 

He thought about I love you. The words were fucking heavy and like Ian, he had said them when he knew Ian needed to hear them. Ian had been in bed for days and he was losing his shit, his family had wanted him to go away and he couldn’t stand the idea and he had no idea what to do. He came back from the Alibi and slammed the door, he immediately went back to check on him and he was still there. 

The whole house smelled good. He walked to the kitchen and Svet was over a big pot stirring it, he hadn’t seen that pot since his mother died. 

“Where’d you get that” He asked.

“In way back of cabinet. It was dirty, I wash.

“What’s that” he said barely caring.

“For orange boy” she said.

“He hasn’t eaten anything” he said

“He will eat. It will help his head. Make strong.” She said.

Mickey was skeptical but she had gone to a lot of trouble and it was a nice thought, considering he had moved Ian in to their house and she was his wife. So ya, he’d give it a shot.

“Alright” He took the bowl and paper towel and headed toward his bedroom spoon in hand. He carefully got on the bed and with the bowl. 

“Hey” Ian didn’t move.

“Hey man, hungry? Svet made you some kinda soup, could be all kinds of freaky shit in here but it smells alright.”

It took a second but he rolled over onto his back and his eyes opened.

“Soup?” he said groggily

He waited and let Ian sit up, he held out the soup and Ian took it. He took a bite and nodded once and he dipped in his spoon again. Mickey went out and grabbed another bowl, Svet called out from the couch.

“He eat?”

“Yeah” He said.

“See, make strong.”

He shook his head on his way back after taking some soup for himself thinking, 

'That was fucking weird. How did she know he’d eat the soup? Freaky witch woman!.'

He climbed on the bed and took a bite. “Oh my God” he said. It was amazing. He had no idea what he was eating and his sneaky, creepy wife could have put anything in it but damn it was good. They sat and ate in silence, Mickey finished first and realized he hadn’t really been eating that much the past few days. Ian finished and held the bowl in his lap.

“Man that was good” he said

“Mm.” Ian mumbled.

He took Ian’s bowl from his lap and put them both on the side table, he watched as Ian went back under the covers. Mickey had given up trying to get him up a couple days ago so he shifted down next to him pulling the covers up over himself without undressing and brought them up over Ian, he was turned toward him and his eyes were open. 

“I think she likes you.” Mickey said.

Ian didn’t smile but he didn’t close his eyes.

"She does go for those tall leggy types” he waited a beat.

“Tall leggy types with tits usually but I don't see her making them witchy soup.” He watched Ian’s face change a fraction.

“Tits?” he asked

“Oh ya, didn’t I tell you my wife’s a lesbian” he said with sarcasm

“Huh?” Ian said and Mickey saw the back of his eyes flicker.

“Yep, a pussy likin’ tiitiesmacking lesbo, you should have heard the racket they were making last night man”

“I did, thought it was cats fighting” he said and Mickey laughed.

Ian’s eyes stayed open but he wasn’t looking at his face, he was looking at his chest. 

Mickey reached under the blanket and found Ian's hand, he threaded his fingers through Ian's and said, 

“Hey Ian?” Ian’s eyes came to his. “I love you.”

He smiled a little and Mickey came up over his head and gave him a kiss on his eyebrow. He settled back down and he watched Ian’s eyes close but they looked a little different.

Mickey thought about the Witch soup, it hadn't exactly worked but it had given Ian some food when he didn’t want to eat he would eat the soup because Svet had made it for him. He had gone in every day and either talked to him or just sat with him and every day he had said the words and slowly, very slowly Ian had come back. One day he was up and in the shower, a few days later he was dressed and the next day he came out and watched TV with Mickey. 

He had thought it would be hard to say at first but he had wanted Ian to know, he wanted him to hear the words and it had come out easily. Ian had said it randomly on one or two rare occasions, and it always shocked him a little but he never did until last night. He may be overthinking this, Ian was here wasn’t he? People say it, right? All the fucking time? Yeah, defiantly over thinking this. 

‘Could be the 3 cups of coffee I’ve had’ he thought and he got up to get more coffee for Ian when he woke up and grab his over caffeinated brain a beer.


	6. We need to talk about Ian.

Mickey sat down taking his first hit off the beer he heard a buzz. He looked around ‘Dafuck was that?’ he thought and heard it again. He looked down and Ian’s phone was vibrating. ‘Alarm’ he thought. He picked it up and saw TREVOR and words he couldn’t read because it felt like his head exploded. WHAT. THE. FUCKING. FUCK. It was ON?? The fucking phone was on. He pushed up and pulled open the door enough to slip out and walked around the building quickly swearing. He got to the back of the building and kicked the shit out of the car. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? ALL OFF THIS SHIT AND THE PHONE IS MOTHERFUCKING ON??' He raged as he kicked. Beer spilled over his hand, he sucked the rest down in one shot. He threw the beer can and he was walking around in circles his hands running through his hair. Ian told him he turned it off, he said it couldn’t be tracked. Rage blew through him. 'All for texts from his fucking boyfriend?’ he thought.

“Sonofamotherfuckingbitch” He said. 

He was still raging when he walked back into the Motel room. He grabbed the cigarettes the whiskey and the beer from the fridge, he couldn't look over at Ian on the bed and slipped back out the door. He walked around the building and sat on the ground in front of the car. He opened the whiskey and took two long slugs, he lit a cigarette and when he stuffed the pack back into Ian's jacket pocket he felt Ian's phone, he must have shoved it in while he was walking. He wanted to beat it into the ground but he took it out and stared at it. 

It buzzed.

“Persistent little fucker.” Mickey scowled.

He didn’t know the ‘boyfriends’ name but he could pretty well guess who texting Ian at 6 am. He took a drag and another long slug from the whiskey. 

“Let’s see what Trevor has to say” he said.

What if ‘Trevor’ knew where they were? ‘Trevor’ was a wildcard. 

'Where are U?' “Texas, bitch!” He said.

'HELLO????'

'CALL ME!!' “Jesus what are you, a girl?”

'Please call' Was the bottom message on the screen. 

“Shit” He said. 

'CALL ME' as in the Feds showed up at my door or call me because I’m a bitch that needs attention? That was the big question that Mickey needed answered. He scrolled up and read a lot of variations on the ‘Where are you’s’ and up further was ‘I’m on my way’ and ‘Be there in 20’s.’ He put the phone away taking a long drag from the cigarette, he sat back and tried to think. 

First of all, Trevor sounded like a girl. Second, why the fuck was the phone ON? Ian didn’t lie to him, ever. Maybe there is a chance he misunderstood, he thought about it and remembered Ian had very specifically said the phone was off. Ian had lied to him, he picked up the whiskey bottle and drank letting that thought sink in. He switched to beer because he was feeling the whiskey and didn’t want to lose control if Ian woke up. 

‘When Ian woke up’ he thought. He couldn’t ignore it and couldn’t blow it off like he did the boyfriend. 

“Trevor” he snickered “Pussy name” sucking on the cigarette. 

It all came back to the same thing, Ian had lied and that hurt like a motherfucker. 

Ian came awake and felt like he had slept for a week and immediately smelled coffee. The sun was up and it was shining through the drapes, that’s odd he thought they should be closed all the time. He slipped on his shorts and went to close them, he noticed the bathroom door standing open he was confused, where was Mickey? ‘Must be outside.’ He thought. He found a cup and went to the coffee maker, it was cold. Jesus how long had Mickey been awake? He found an unopened package on the table sand knew Mickey had left it for him, he dumped it in and fetched water from the sink. He grabbed jeans and a shirt and headed for the shower, he let the hot water wake him and as he came awake he realized he felt great but more than that he felt alive and not like he was sleepwalking through everything trying to make everyone else happy. He was happy. 

He stepped out and found the towel and it felt totally dry, Mickey didn’t take a shower? He dressed and saw the coffee was done, he found a cup and took a long gulp. ‘So good’ He thought and looked around for his jacket before he started outside and couldn’t see it anywhere. He grabbed his hoodie and tugged it over his head. He started out and realized he didn’t have the key, he went back in grabbed the packet of money and stuffed it in his back pocket, he propped open the door with a rock and headed around the building.

Mickey heard him coming and lit up a smoke. He had stopped drinking about an hour ago to keep his head clear, he didn’t want to kill anyone at this very moment but that could change. He sat back with his hand in Ian’s jacket pockets and heard him as he came around the car. 

‘Morning, there’s my jacket.” 

Mickey took the phone out of his pocket and said, 

“Your girlfriend called.’ in a low voice. Mickey looked up at him and braced his elbow on his knee holding the phone.

Ian’s face froze when he saw the phone, Mickey watched him turn his face away and shuffle his feet back, Mickey felt his heart sink in his chest. 

In a heartbeat Ian’s good mood shattered. It all hit him at once, the phone he had turned on to see the time and Trevor’s text messages, it tumbled through him. Mickey had read them and Mickey could read them because the phone was on. 

He looked back at Mickey sitting on the ground, his head was slightly bent and he was nodding slowly but the look on his face was dead calm. He shifted bringing his other knee up in front of him, he flipped the phone up in his hand and held it by the edge with his fingers and looked up at Ian, his eyes were dark and raging. Mickey saw the look of panic on his face and dropped his head, he waved the phone up and down in his hand and felt Ian take it. He took a long hit off the smoke and let his arms rest on his knees. 

Ian shoved the phone into his hoodie and turned away, his body swinging around as he tried to think of something to say. 

“I’m gonna toss it” He said. 

Mickey felt anger wash over the hurt and his mouth came up into a half grimace half smile, he licked his lips and took a drag but said nothing. He watched out of the corner of his eye Ian swing back and forth around, the dirt crunching and kicking up around him. 

“I turned it off”

“The fuck you did” He said. His whole body felt like a spring, he shifted forward and up.

“No, I’m not.. Fuck!” he said when Mickey stood quickly 

“I turned off the phone, this” He held it up the phone.

Mickey nodded. “OK, explain how you turned off the phone.” 

“I turned this off, they can’t track it off. I turned it on to check the time without thinking.”

Maybe he wasn’t done drinking Mickey thought and he reached down and swung up the bottle up and braced on foot against the wall behind him, he took a quick drink and looked at Ian 

“And not the service” He bit his top lip and scrapped his teeth over it and his lips spread into a cold smile

“No” Ian said and Mickey had to look away from his sad eyes

“Is that what this Trevor does, let you get away with that pussy shit?’ He said and slid the cigarette between his lips. 

“I need to call my family, I was going to toss it and use a burner phone for the call but I turned it on and didn’t think. You’re right. I fucked up.” Ian said very plainly. 

Mickey stared out into the nothingness. Call his family, they didn’t know where he was, Trevor didn’t know where he was. His emotions rolled around in him and he wasn’t sure which was worse, the hurt that Ian hadn't thought through turning on the phone, the anger at at himself for putting them in this fucked up situation, or the jealousy he felt knowing Ian had had a relationship with someone else but he had his answer Trevor wasn’t a direct threat to them right now. 

He nodded. “Alright” he said and pushed off the wall, he flicked the butt and started walking away. “Turn it off.” He said. 

“Shit” he heard. 

Ian sat where Mickey had and grabbed the crumpled pack of cigarettes on the ground and lit one. He put his hand in his hands and yelled “FUCK” He thought about the look in Mickey’s eyes when he thought he had lied, he was pissed but more than that he was hurt. It wasn’t the fact that Trevor had texted and not the fact that the phone was on but the fact that he thought he lied was what had hurt him. 

“What the fuck did I do?” he asked himself. If the phone had been tracked they’d both be in jail or dead. It played over in his mind-Mickey’s face the hurt and anger, the realization that he hadn’t lied exactly but had not thought through the action and what it would mean for them. He thought about Mickey's tone when he had said Trevor’s name and Ian flinched, Mickey knew Trevor’s name. Knowing his name made him real to Mickey and he saw the spark of jealousy flash in Mickey’s eyes. He took a drag and tried to clear his mind, how does this keep happening? It seemed like for as long as he knew Mickey all he ever did was hurt him. He felt his heart burn and his eyes sting and he let the memories of the past flow over him of all the times they had hurt each other.

His past and present collided and he felt it break over him. 

Mickey stood in the shower and tried to shake off the anger that had raged through him. There had always been one big difference between them and it was the bendiness of the law. Ian bent it but Mickey broke it and had fun doing it and he knew Ian was never into like he was. He could have turned the phone on without thinking but why didn’t he just turn off the service? But realized Ian would feel like he needed to call his family at some point, he understood that. As far as pussy Trevor was concerned, Ian was here with him and that was all that mattered he reminded himself. 

He felt better when he stepped out and it was time to hit the road. He wrapped the towel around his waist and carried his clothes with him back into the room. Ian was sitting at the table drinking coffee. 

“Thanks for the coffee” he said. 

“Sure.” He said and threw Ian’s jacket and his jeans on the bed. He was a little surprised Ian had thanked him, the little things they did for each other usually went unspoken. He dried off and Ian was staring into his coffee with his hands wrapped around it. Mickey felt his heart soften, he knew Ian felt bad and he couldn't stay pissed at him. He found his duffel bag and put it on the table, he rummaged through it and brought out the dress. He smiled and he held it in front of him,

“Whatcha think, hm?" He said. 

Ian looked up and saw the dress and laughed. Mickey lifted his eyebrows and gave him a big grin.

“I bet I’ll look damn sexy’ He said with a smirk.

Ian nodded

“The border patrol guys will be drooling” he said 

He laid it on the table he found the rest of it and piled it all on top of the dress.

“Yeah they will” Ian said. 

Mickey smiled at him. 

Ian stood up and closed the distance between them, he slid his hands up onto his face and brought his lips down to his. 

Mickey’s felt the rush of emotion behind the kiss and his arms went up around him. It was slow and sweet and Ian’s fingers brushed over his face lightly. Mickey brought his hand up to Ian’s wrist and held it, he tilted his head back and said, 

“We’re good man, everything’s good.” He kissed Ian’s wrist. 

“Come on man, time to run for the border.” he said with a little laugh. 

 

The drive was about two hours from the Motel to the border but to Ian it seemed like minutes. He had sat in the dirt and the realization had slowly come over him that he couldn't go with Mickey. He had thought clearly with his head and not his heart and it was clear as a bell. 

If he went with him Mickey would end up back in jail or dead.

He had turned on the phone and left it on for hours, he didn’t THINK. What that meant for Mickey was more than an argument between them, it was life or fucking death. Ian would at some point make a mistake and Mickey being Mickey would try and protect him. He knew Mickey felt the Bi-Polar was his fault, that he had somehow brought it on and he tried to protect Ian, Ian had tried to protect Mickey, Mickey takes revenge for Ian, Ian wants to protect him…on and on.. round and round.

What they had was difficult to explain even to himself. He didn’t realize how much he had changed until Mickey came back, he felt like there were two of him, one other people saw and the real him that only he knew about. When he heard himself say he wouldn’t get involved with Mickey again he knew he was lying and he had done it easily. The Ian outside denied what was true even belittled what they had but inside Ian knew this love was all he ever wanted. 

The only thing he knew was that this kind of love was everything. Everything you had in you was brought out; every aspect of your soul was exposed. It was every part of you in it. It makes you strong and every good part of you becomes better. But the best in you can become the worst in you, all the fears you have about yourself and the darkness inside you creeps out. The things you say you will never do, you do them for each other without question or thought. You let it break you and heal you. It’s every good thing you will ever do and it’s the ugliness in you that you want to forget. Sometimes it would stop your breath and other times it would be the only time you could really breathe. This love was everything in you brought to the surface and everything that pulled you under until you drowned. 

He had lived without this love, he had locked it all away and he had changed who he was in order to survive it. He would survive it now because he couldn't let this love ever hurt Mickey again.


	7. Glycerine;  A substance found in natural if mixed with ceratin chemicals becomes explosive.

Ian was quiet as they rode in the car. He had to come to terms with his decision but the thought of not being with Mickey was tearing at him. His heart tried to play out how it would work, but he couldn’t take the chance. Mickey was smart but if they were together the focus would be on them and when something went wrong Mickey would try and protect him and it would be a one way ticket back to jail or dead. The thought of seeing Mickey dead made him turn away and look out the window, he closed his eyes and focused on what Mickey was saying.

".. can use the burner phone to call them, then dump the phone."

“Yeah, thanks.” he said nodding. He turned back toward the windshield.

“Oh hey, who's the baby?” Mickey asked

“Huh?” Ian said and turned to him “Baby?”

“Ya there’s picture of a baby in your phone. Yours?” he said with a grin.

“Oh, Debbie”

“Debbie? She’s like…12?” Mickey said with a scowl

“She’s 16” 

“No shit, huh.”

“No shit” 

They rode in silence until Mickey said with a smile, 

“Your pass code’s the same.”

Ian laughed “Yep."

“Ya, fuck you Trevor.” He said with a wicked laugh. 

Ian couldn’t help it he laughed.

He had always had the same code since his very first phone. When he had started staying with Mickey he was in the kitchen making food and Mickey was watching TV he had heard,

“Ay, what’s the code?"

“What code?” Ian asked.

“I’m trying to call Iggy and your fucking phone won’t let me” Mickey said. 

Ian had laughed and looked over at him, Mickey was holding the phone with a pissed look on his face and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, he was pushing his thumb into the screen furiously. 

“Punch in in your name”

“Huh?” He said and Ian smiled at the confused, aggravated look on his face. 

“The letters, type in your name” Ian said and motioned to the phone.

He had tapped his fingers on the screen quickly and said ‘AHA’ when it worked.

He had scoffed and carried the plates into the living room, he set Mickey's plate down in front of him and sat back to eat. 

“Yeah, alright." He rolled his eyes and Ian laughed. "OK, I gotta go.” He said and ended the call. 

“Jesus”, he said “He’s worse than a chic” he stubbed out his cigarette and sat back next to Ian with his plate of food.

A few minutes later he had said,

"Mick huh?" with a little smile and rubbed his hand over Ian's thigh.

Ian turned back to the landscape out the window and thought about how he could do this, how he was going to say the words. How to make Mickey understand without breaking his heart like he was breaking his own, there wasn’t any way that he could. The only thing he could do was try and make it as quick as possible but he would not, could not let Mickey believe it was because he had stopped loving him like he tried to do before. He would rather he hate him for being weak than ever have him believe that again, he would rather Mickey see him as a failure, a bitch now then at some point in the future watch him get arrested or worse. He didn’t know what he was going to say or how he was going to make himself say it. 

All he wanted to do was stop the car and turn around, go back to the Motel and stay there. He thought about the last 24 hours and realized yesterday he was thinking of himself when he had asked Mickey to stay there, he was only thinking about what he was losing. Now his heart broke knowing he was going to have to lose Mickey but he knew he could go back to his normal life and his crazy family and live with this as long as he knew he would never hurt Mickey again. 

He realized this was the only time he was going to have with him and he looked over, the top of Mickey’s hair was blowing around and his hand was resting low on the wheel.

Ian lit a cigarette and took a drag.

“Your t-shirt‘s in your bag” Ian said.

“Oh ya? Good” he flashed him a grin “So’s your sweatshirt.” He said. 

Ian leaned back, he just wanted to talk to him until the border. 

“You ever think about how many times we’ve had sex?” Ian asked smirking.

“What?! Ahh no!?” He said but he laughed and said "Bet it’s a pretty high number though.”

“We should figure it out.” Ian lifted his eyebrows. “You could.”

“You want me to ADD how many times we’ve banged in SIX years?” he was looking back and forth from the road to Ian. 

Ian laughed. “Estimate, you can do it.”

Mickey scoffed. “I’m not doing fuckin' math.”

Ian just stayed quiet and waited. 

“342 give or take a bang” he said shrugging his shoulders.

They both laughed long and hard.

“That can’t be right” Ian said

Mickey just laughed and gestured for the cigarette, Ian handed it over. 

Mickey thought, 'Fucking math. Where does he get this shit?' But he remembered his junkie sex thoughts from last night. 

“I was just thinking about that shit last night” Mickey said taking a drag.

“What shit?” Ian asked with a smile. 

“You and the math thing.”

“Huh?” Ian said. “I have a math thing?” 

“Nah man, when we met” Ian gave him blank look. “I came to the store and you thought it was freaking amazing I could add the stuff, ya know” He gestured with his hand.

“You remember that?” Ian said.

“Ya, man” he handed back the cigarette.

“You remember that? ” Ian repeated with a stunned look. 

“What?” He said with his eyes wide. 

“Nothin’ I didn’t think you did.” Ian said quietly.

“Of course I remember” he said with a sweet smile. 

“Wait then you….but.." Ian trailed off. 

Mickey could practically hear Ian’s brain clicking, he looked over and Ian had this far off look and was thinking hard. 

“What!!.... Wait.” he said.

Mickey laughed, Ian turned his head and stared at him. 

“Ay, ay “Mickey said and put his hand up, “if you’re gonna punch me let me pull over first.” 

Ian glared at him. 

Mickey put his hand up. “What?” and smiled. “Gimme that” 

Ian handed it over.

“You started stealing after that.” Ian said quietly.

Click, click, click.

Mickey shrugged a shoulder. “Nah’ He said and scoffed.

“YEEAH” Ian said.

Mickey looked away and bit his lip. 

“Oh My God!” Ian said. 

Mickey let it go and looked over at him, his bottom lip in his teeth.

“How do I not know this?” Ian shook his head quickly

“I don't fucking know, you’ve met me right?”

Ian just sat back and laughed. Mickey smiled and shook his head back and forth his tongue in his cheek.

Jesus, he didn’t mean to say that, it just slipped out but Ian was pretty happy about it. 

“So, wait." Ian said when he caught his breath “Let me get this straight, you did all of that, the stealing, the GUN to get my ATTENTION?”

Mickey put his tongue at the corner of his mouth smiled and said,

“You forgot the dip.” 

They both laughed until Ian’s eyes were watering, He wiped at them and sat back and smoked the last of the cigarette and stubbed it out in the ashtray. 

“I thought it was me.” Ian said.

“What was you?”

“The way I felt, I thought I was just a horny 15 year old and you were, ya know..” Ian said. 

“I was what?” Mickey asked.

Oh I gotta hear this! Mickey thought.

“You.” Ian said

“What the fuck does that mean?” 

“You’re like..huh…how do I put this…” Ian said 

Mickey looked over at him with raised eyebrows.

“You better start fuckin’ putting it” he said.

Ian laughed. Mickey snickered and scoffed.

“You were just vibrating sex.” Ian said finally. 

Mickey was never at a loss for words but he was stunned silent. He heard Ian laugh and realized he must be making some face.

“Vibrating sex!?" He repeated and looked at Ian. 

Ian nodded.

Mickey shook his head and said, ”Get the fuck out."

“Really.” Ian said. 

“Come on man.” He said but Mickey smiled and he turned his head away.

“Oh ya” Ian said teasing.

Mickey thought about it, if Ian had thought that about him like that and he had been a junkie just from Ian barely touching him, it was no fucking wonder they had ended up stripping naked and banging like maniacs that first time and many, many, many times after.

“Vibrating sex!” he put his hand out in front of him “That’s gonna be my new name.” he said with a big smile. 

Ian laughed and said. "Yeah, defiantly"

Mickey let out a short laugh “What I didn’t know was you’d show up in my room with a tire iron at my back but hey.” He shrugged a shoulder.

“Surprised the fuck outta me man.” Mickey said with smile “Literally.” he added with a smirk.

“There should be a tire iron in the back” Ian said his eyes hot.

Mickey hit the brakes.

They jumped each other and got into he back seat quickly, 

“I don’t think I can take you seriously in that dress.”

“Well take it off bitch” and Ian whipped it off.

Ian bit his bare shoulder and held his hand tight moving hard and fast. Mickey panted out “Fuck” and Ian wrapped his hand around his cock and held it.

“Come” Ian hissed in his ear. 

Mickey grunted and came in his hand, he turned head and Ian sank over his open mouth, Mickey wrapped his hand around his head and teased his tongue. Ian moved harder and bit Mickey’s neck and let out a long hissing moan as he came, they panted together not moving. Ian brought their joined hands up to his mouth and kissed Mickey’s hand. They untangled themselves and sat back dazed, Ian's jeans were up but unzipped, Mickey was naked except for his shorts around his ankles and his boots. They were in a stolen car in broad daylight on the side of the road. Still panting they looked at each other and laughed.

“Holy fuck” Mickey said. Ian zipped up his pants and grabbed a smoke, he rolled down the window and took a drag.

“Put your dress on bitch” Ian said with a smile. 

Dressed and in the front Ian passed Mickey the smoke he took a long drag and put the car in drive and pulled back out into the road. Ian thought about what Mickey had just told him and pushed it aside. He only had less than a half an hour until they got to the border, he’d have plenty of time to think after and right now he just wanted this. 

“Anything else I should know?" Ian asked.

“If it leads to that again” he pointed to the backseat with his thumb “I’ll tell you anything you wanna know.” Mickey said.

Ian giggled

The music was low but Ian heard the first few notes of a song he that had always reminded him of Mickey, 

‘It must your skin that I’m sinking in, I must be for real cuz now I can feel… 

Everything's gray, now you’re here, now you’re away..

I’ll never forget where you’re at..

Don’t let the days go by, could have been easier on you, I couldn’t change though I wanted to.

I treated you bad you bruised my face…

I couldn’t love you more; you’ve got a beautiful taste…

Mickey looked over at Ian, he had gone quiet all of a sudden. 

“Anything I should know.” he asked teasing.

“Ya, probably” he said with a teasing grin.

“Bitch” Mickey said with no heat.

“Remember when you got out Juvie?”

“Which time?”

“The first time, the Fourth of July”

“Yeah! We banged like 10 times that night.”

Ian laughed and said "Yep."

" Those were the days man." Mickey said. 

Mickey did remember and it wasn't all the banging, well not just the banging but what came first into his mind was during bang two or three, he couldn’t remember exactly which bang the fireworks had started. There was nothing quite like getting off to fireworks overhead and after they had they had gone up the steps and leaned against the railing to watch the fireworks. The shot gunned beer had gone to his head and the buzz from bangs one and two had him pretty happy. Ian’s arm hung next to his, he had wrapped his hand around Ian's and Ian's fingers had laced through his, they had held hands and watched the fireworks smiling like kids.

“I had already convinced Linda to give you a job before you got out.’

Mickey laughed. “How the fuck’d you do that anyway?"

“She needed the help, I told her I’d keep an on you.”

“Shheet you kept more than an eye on me” He said with a laugh.

“Remember that guy you beat up?”

“Which one?” Mickey said. 

"The doctor." Ian said

“Oohh that fucker." Mickey said with venom

“I wasn’t seeing him.”

“Yeah, I figured that one out.” Mickey said with a scowl. 

“I was pretty surprised when you showed up.”

“Surprised enough to punch me in the throat, damn.” He said and rubbed his hand over his neck. 

“That got my attention.”

“Well ya! That was like…asking you to go steady.’” Mickey said with a hand up. 

“Ya” Ian said laughing “I got it that time.”

“Look” Mickey said 

Ian looked ahead and saw a sign US/MEXICO BORDER 3 Miles.

“Almost there.” Mickey said.

Mickey saw the look on Ian’s face, it was calm but there was something else there. ‘Nerves about going over.' He thought. He lit a smoke and waited a minute and when Ian didn’t say anything he said, 

“I opened your phone to take a picture.”

Ian looked over at him

“It was the sunrise...the picture I took.’ He said.

Ian couldn’t say anything around the lump that was in his throat.

“I know you like all that shit” he said with a big grin. “Bet you can’t wait until we can watch the sun come up on the beach, huh man?" He reached over and gave Ian's arm a squeeze and stroked his hand over his arm. 

Ian’s felt his eyes burn, he put his hand over Mickeys and turned his face toward the window. Five minutes and they’d be there.


	8. The Words.

Mickey pulled the car into the rest area and walked around the car to the passenger seat to put on the rest of his outfit, Ian leaned on the hood and looked down the road to the border. With all his heart he wanted to go but he needed to do this. He heard Mickey behind him getting out of the car and heard his voice but not the words, he felt his heart sink in his chest and he knew what was coming. 

“Alright, you’re drivin’” Mickey said behind him and heard the door open. He couldn't move and he could barely breathe. 

How was he going to do this??

He heard the car door slam and heard his footsteps. 

“What’s the matter with you, let’s go” Mickey said and came around in front of him. Ian said the only words that would come out of his mouth,

“I can’t…”

He would break his own heart to make sure Mickey’s heart stayed beating and he stayed free.


End file.
